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Ask a question about female led relationships

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     The creators of this website are interested in developing content from your questions. We will answer your questions (about female led relationship between a woman and a man) within 48 hours of posting in most cases. We will be frank and honest with you. There is a good change your question has already been addressed in which case we will point you in the right direction. There are only a few rules we want you to follow. This is a site improvement project so we get all the answers to questions people are asking.

  1. Look through the issues list below before asking your question
  2. Don't ask questions about "finding", "meeting" or "dating" such as "where can I meet a woman who wants female led relationship or where can I find a man who would make a good mate to a female leader." We are not a dating/match making site. [read articles on finding someone into FLR]
  3. Don't ask medical questions - seek your doctor or mental health specialist for those.
  4. If you choose the privacy option "Please remove the background information" we will delete any personal back ground details you give before posting an answer.
  5. If you choose the privacy option "Please do not post" we not post your information on the internet, you must supply a valid email address so we can send you your answer.
  6. You can be as frank and as blunt as you want but don't waste our time by pretending to be a woman when you are a man.

 

   Question
Miriam Asks: Is it necessary in FLR to have your husband call you "ma'am" in order to have him fully submitted, or would it also work with just first names or nicknames as we were used to before?
AboutFLR.com Staff Answers: We have documented that women want to be called an endearing term that she likes - there are no rules about ma'am or other less endearing titles like mistress.

   Question
Spacemanbob Asks: When on a date with an FLR 3-4 woman, do you have to wait for them to initiate any romantic gestures to you or is it acceptable to put your arm around them, hold hands. .. etc.. also do I wait for them to contact me via what method they choose(text, email...etc) I am totally new and this is all foreign to me right now. She has said that I a almost there, but don't want to force myself from my previous dating life on her. I have read that you shouldn't talk about FLR with you date unless they bring up a topic.
AboutFLR.com Staff Answers: There are two simple ways to look at this. What would you want her to do if your roles were reversed? and What would you want if you were the women?
AboutFLR.com Staff Answers: Since first dates often don`t have any romance, just evaluation, you can ask on the second date. Yes I said ask. Ask if she would like you to kiss her or ask for her permission to kiss her or move closer and read the body language and ask. The basic psychology of women and men really does not change in FLR just the leadership.
AboutFLR.com Staff Answers: Most women like to be approached rather than hunt, but some women hunt. Looking for an FLR woman is like looking for any women. You use the same skills and methods. BTW - many men make the fatal mistake about addressing sex, fetish or too much information out front. Wait a bit before jumping in to that. Remember RELATIONSHIP. 'RELAT' 'ELAT' 'ATION' 'ONSHIP' relate to her on a level she wants, elate her with your chemistry, then lavish attention at the level she wants, then you are on ship - get it ''on board?''
AboutFLR.com Staff Answers: be yourself, this relationship is like any other you have; the same rules apply. Some men do ask permission for the first kiss; that is normal.

   Question
Guest Asks: I have found that it is difficult to weed out those with who are hoping to live out their femdom fantasies, from those who would be compatible with FLR. Do you have any suggestions when posting on a dating site for example, which indicate or hint at what you want without, attracting the extreme element?
AboutFLR.com Staff Answers:

You are so right..... there are those men who are so into fantasy life to the exclusion of any reality.

Were I dating online again; I would write a paragraph about myself mentioning "I am independent", "a good leader", "adventurous", "creative", "want to live differently." I would add that I was looking for a man who is "supportive", "loves it when a woman takes charge", "knows something about FLR". in addition to all the other qualities you are looking for.

I feel that when men come on with what 'they want'; for me that is a dead giveaway. It is okay for men to want things, and FLR is about "the relationship", and I love doing what my man wants sometimes because it makes me feel good and him too; but it is so small to engage at the level of sex and fetish and fantasy to start with. I want a man who wants me and is good at courtship. You may be different but that is my idea.

You can always introduce him to this site. At least 120,000 men know about this site; who are single and looking on dating sites. Those few who have taken the trouble to earn reputation points are a good candidate, the rest is chemistry and the laws of attraction.

AboutFLR.com Staff Answers:

Go girl, take the lead and see what happens, you can attract men and train them to support. So many guys really don't want to lead.

AboutFLR.com Staff Answers: put in your ad that you don't do extremes, use discouraging language, tell them you are not into femdom fantacies; then make them prove they want it your way.

   Question
Stevie Asks: I really think that you can help me take my FLR to a higher level and I really need you help please, tell me where to go from here. My wife is very busy and can't spend to much time right now on learing to taking the lead, so I really want to do my part in helping her. Any help will be greatly recieved!
AboutFLR.com Staff Answers:

Wow what a timely question (pun intended). Time is the thing we all have an equal amount of everyday, the only question is how we use it. Find things you can take off her plate that she is comfortable with. You need to spend time together as a couple on a regular basis so use that time to discuss your lives together and FLR if it is natural.

If you find you are wanting to grow at a greater rate than she wants; you can ammuse yourself with training, classes and other ideas that help you become a better mate.

AboutFLR.com Staff Answers: Well you never said if you had a formal FLR. No matter; women love the idea of asking them how you can be helpful, so ask away. Also "Better Men" make "Better Mates" so spend time in self improvement.

   Question
Willferenc Asks: My wife clearly experiences a sense of guilt if she perceives that I am doing more than my share of the housework. As far as I am concerned, I would like 'my share' to be all of it, and I would like her to be able to relax while I did so. We are getting there - it's not uncommon for her to read in the evenings while I wash up or clean the bathroom - but progress is frustratingly slow. It bothers me that her ability to relax properly is hampered by a nagging guilt that she should be working too.
Background: We have been married for six years. My wife is a confident and demanding woman but I do not think she would be comfortable with the overt ideas on this site.
AboutFLR.com Staff Answers:

I know women who clean up before the maid comes over LOL. Well to your idea: you want her to relax more as a kind of reward but she has issues relaxing because of her sense of personal responsibility. I would try rewarding words and a heart to heart conversation. The rewarding words are you telling her how much pleasure you get from serving and the reward you feel when you see her relaxed and pampered. Tell someone often enough and they begin to believe it and assimilate the information. Let her have a sense of pride that your serving makes you feel good.

The heart to heart is a conversation about you becoming free to be yourself and her helping you do that. Take an intimate time with few distractions and give her warning about what you want to discuss. Tell her your desires, how it makes you feel - talk about you, don't try and sell her on the benefits.

AboutFLR.com Staff Answers:

First - well done! you are doing a good thing for yourself and your mate, continue. Change that is slow is symptomatic about people who don`t talk and have a plan. If you talk and make a plan; moving in the direction of the plan is a matter of course.

Second - Of all areas of control women noted homemaking as high desire to control themselves, you might read the poll results for more information. This may mean she wants to do it. You might choose to do the things women universally wanted. It may be you are doing what you want not what she wants?

  • 100% positive
    • I want him to appreciate me openly
    • I want him to ask me what help he can be
    • I want him to seek my approval
    • I want him to seek my advice
    • I want him to be obedient to me
    • I want to control our Life Direction - FOOD GROUP
    • I want FLR benefits
  • 99% positive
    • I want him to desire me sexually
    • I want him to keep a nice home
    • I want him to make himself attractive for me
    • I want him to do the housework
    • I want him to be a confident gentleman
    • I want to control Household Chores - FOOD GROUP
    • I want final say in our decisions
  • 98% positive
    • I want him to comfort me
    • I want him to do errands for me
    • I want him to reveal his inner fears
    • I want to control his Free Time - FOOD GROUP
    • I like the thought of leading a man
    • I want FLR pampering
    • I want him to prove his desire to serve me
    [read the article]
AboutFLR.com Staff Answers: she is who she is, take her as she is. that is how relationships work.

   Question
Lena421 Asks: Why is it that extreme femdom rules this conversation? Why can't we discuss this aside from sex?
Background: My husband wants FLR and has asked for it but the things he wants are so fracken complicated it does not sound like he wants relationship at all. I want a better way of discussing it aside from the kinky stuff.
AboutFLR.com Staff Answers: Good time to show some leadership, sit him down, take a commanding posture and figure him out. Start with the phrase "if you want FLR ever, you will follow my orders and humble your self right now"
AboutFLR.com Staff Answers: I find the closer a man is to loving the images of femdom the more obsessed they are. I recommend 3 things. Take charge of sex and free time long enough to stop his addition to porn and get him in the MAG course "NO! Porn FLR Dark Accountability Group" - take command girl! Lastly this is about relationship, get him to a point where he can relate. Go read the articles we have titled "Guided Investigation" "Guided Motivation" and "Guided Training"
AboutFLR.com Staff Answers: Do your FLR your way, if he is leading you don't have an FLR; make him work to gain your participation.

   Question
AnonymousViking Asks: Women are notorious for spending money in fact I believe most marriages have money problems because of this. My question is can women be responsible when it comes to handling money by saving it as well instead of just spending it? This doesn't mean all woman are like that but that is the perception.
AboutFLR.com Staff Answers: Stereotypes don`t work very well. I know many woman who have built corporations, saved millions and currently give more money to charity then I make in a year. If you don`t trust a woman with money then set limits on your trust. It is up to a couple to make whatever agreement they want.
AboutFLR.com Staff Answers: Trust is an issue as is the social-image you have of women. Trust comes from experience, if you got burned before you will expect it again. The image you have of women as "notorious for spending money" paints you into a corner. New relationships are tough but if you give a little trust and let her earn some she may surprise you or validate your concern. That is why we have courtship and why is it a good idea not to jump into anything too quickly.

   Question
AnonymousViking Asks: I have a question regarding finances. If she has control of the finances, does he have to turn over all of his savings to her or not?
AboutFLR.com Staff Answers: Depends on your relationship agreement. finances and complete control is an issue of trust and dependancy. If you both are working on dependancy for him and she takes control of the money he is truely dependent. It is risky for him. A matter of trust.
AboutFLR.com Staff Answers: There is no right answer. It is up to you and your mate. Any agreement you make will be fine. If she is demanding full control in exchange for something then you have a decision to make. Trust trust trust is the key to any good relationship. If she is asking for control of your saving she might not trust you.
AboutFLR.com Staff Answers: Why not share control of that so she has visibility and access - like a joint account? Lost of people have assets when they enter relationships that what prenups are for.

   Question
Amanda5 Asks: For couples who are really into the FLR do you feel there is are any issues with your own sexual orientation?
AboutFLR.com Staff Answers: We are both heterosexual and monogamous, I do know of a few women who include third partners, both male and female. The metro-sexual crowd seems to do everyone. It should be noted that if she controls sex, then he is at her mercy if he agreed to unconditional surrender she could change his orientation as she wishes.
AboutFLR.com Staff Answers: Perhaps you are interested in the thought of men who want to become more feminine? Learning to please a woman does not mean you need to become feminine yourself, it just means you like the idea of pleasing and get a kick form a woman's approval. Aboutflr.com does not really subscribe to sissification as a part of FLR because humiliation is destructive to self esteem.
AboutFLR.com Staff Answers: There is a small edgie group in level 4 FLR that want use homosexual sex for him as part of his deprogramming so he can get over his social training. As a training tool it might work, I have never tried. Perhaps it is used in play more than in real life. This is extremely rare and mostly fantasy. I'd bet only a few couple have ever actually done this. I think it mostly read as part of femdom blogs.

   Question
Lana Asks: Does this type of relationship start off in the bedroom with sexual fun play or does it start differently? I think it would be easier to keep it just sex at first. Or, is it usually a day that is set up to get into the role play? He cooks the meal, and then you both move into the bedroom?
AboutFLR.com Staff Answers: Great Question! We recommend testing it as often as you are able as a couple for several reasons. 1. You are testing him for many reasons. 2. You need to see/feel the dynamic. 3) it should be fun and 4) it gives you a good feel for how it will work in life. Then take a break and discuss it, see which of the food groups you want to control and take some extended trial runs at it (weekend, week, month), don`t short stick yourself here, you can have it all. Then when it become apparent you want it take the lead and make an agreement you want and meets both of your needs and get his agreement. We recommend a ceremony to kick it off, something you can celebrate every year as a couple.
AboutFLR.com Staff Answers: Yes Yes and Yes! Play as much as you want, any way you want. I love teasing and so does he. Then when you get the idea push his limits. I'd say you'd want him to know he is on trial, remind him of that - he will like it. Remind him often during your experimentation phase. He really need to demonstrate he is an FLR man for you. It will give you confidence, a sense of satisfaction and he will gain more respect and pride in you. BTW it does not have to include sex, but we all think sex is fun so you might as well enjoy that too.
AboutFLR.com Staff Answers: Here are a couple of examples we know if where FLR started - people who have contributed to this website. In a restaurant over dinner; In an online chat room; talking on the couch; and a mutual interest in romance stories. Then it progressed to a conversation, then play/experimentation then it became part of their daily lives. Some always knew that is where they were going, some just felt their way there.
AboutFLR.com Staff Answers: I suggest you take your time, pick some things you'd like to see change in him or your relationship; that would give you both pleasure. Don`t change your sex life much just yet. The idea is to show some leadership and let him follow as a test and teaser for him. He will like that especially if you add small elements of the erotic when it is appropriate. He is likely worked up about it on the inside and that works out just fine for both of you. Keep it real, do what YOU WANT!

   Question
Guest Asks: I want to know about punishment in relationships, the physical kind. He wants it and I am reluctant. Why would I want to do this? Does he really want me to treat him like that?
Background: He came to me and asked for flr vaguely, it seemed to be mostly about kinky sex, but I really like running things and would enjoy flr like it is described on this site. I think level 2 or 3. I am not all that kinky.
AboutFLR.com Staff Answers: Men often start their interest in FLR "all about the sex", There is extensive writing about women taking advantage of this but to me it is really a side bar to the real conversation about him changing into your dream lover which may or may not have any kinky sex. The punishment is part of his effort to both enjoy kinky sex and attempt to motivate himself to change. There is a third element that makes relationships much clearer for him. When you punish it is black and white, simple. If he finds physical punishment kinky it is not really punishment and you should look for more conventional ways of negative punishment.
AboutFLR.com Staff Answers: You are in the lead and you get to choose what happens in your relationship if that is what you both agreed on, that means you can choose not to use physical or any other kind of punishment. This is about you girl not any kinky fantasy, you get to lead with all the wisdom you can muster. Physical punishment is one of those odd things in FLR that some women like and some don`t. There is the female disciplinarian influence, the BSDM influence and the FemDom influence. I personally don`t like any of those. I think they are icky. It is also altogether inconvenient because when things happen and you want to punish you might be in public or doing something you don`t want to have to stop doing something fun; because punishment need to be swift and sure. For me it is just me loving him and it makes me feel good to vent anger in that paddle on his ass.
AboutFLR.com Staff Answers: First, enjoy your leadership. Punishment is part of every day life but the kind men see in the porn online is way off the deep end of the pool. The images tend to be of beautiful women punishing ugly men. It is all in support of the fantasy and not in support of women leading. When punishment goes against the grain of society (i.e. physical punishment of adults) it become an issue. Try non physical punishment. There is an article or two on this website.
AboutFLR.com Staff Answers: The reason you want to punish is to help him change and to keep control. That punishment can be anything you say and should be supporting of correcting his behavior. I recommend it is something he does not want and has not asked for. Use levels too. Where punishment to correct a behavior is lite to start with and gets harder so he likes it less. I don`t recommend physical punishment because it is part of the fantasy men have about FLR and dominos. Try timeout kneeling and facing a corner, heavy exercise or loss of privilege.

 

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Women were asked
I admit to having fear about leadership?
12% 47% 41%
 
 
 
Lots Moderate Nope

*on-going poll requested of women

59% of women admin to having some fear about leadership. The answer is so does everyone else. It is risky to lead because you are in front.

 
Men were asked
I have given my woman full disclosure?
32% 27% 41%
 
 
 
No Sort Of Yes

*on-going poll requested of men

68% of men are not sure if they gave full disclosure. That means there needs to be closure of that gap - where all men give 100% all of the time.

 
Women were asked
Were you ever in an FLR?
63% 37%
 
 
No Yes

*on-going poll requested of women

63% of women looking into FLR have never been in one. This means women will have questions, seek guidance and mentoring.

 
Men were asked
I have experienced FLR ?
31% 39% 30%
 
 
 
In Play No Yes

*on-going poll requested of men

One of the strange occurrences we found is that 70% of men seeking to get into a female led relationship had never actually experienced one. So there must be a million questions out there

 

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