Training your man to adapt to your female led relationship
In order to train you will need to establish the things you want him to learn. You can get some from your list of relationship ideals such as fidelity and intimacy or some from your life direction goals and his cry for help. If you have not yet read “A woman’s guide to motivating a man in her Female Led Relationship” we recommend you do so. If you have no female led relationship agreement or relationship strategy you are not ready for training unless you just want to play.
Generally what you want your man to learn in your female led relationship and what he wants to learn are very different. You want him to learn to overcome his bad habits, work independently, find fulfillment in growing, gain confidence in your leadership and participate as your supportive follower. He want to learn how to serve your body, obey your commands, please you sexually, humble himself and learn what it is like to surrender. Because of the difference and size of the task at hand you must choose your targets. In management 101, when faced with a large number of tasks you must prioritize them, take the top ten and do as many as you can. Delegate where you can and just maintain a list of the ones that don’t get done. There is, however, the added complication of keeping both of you motivated.
In level 1-2 relationships you are not going to be doing much of any training, but in level 3-4, it will be expected. He wants you to do it. At the end of this article there are 3 additional articles for more advice on reshaping self-image, non-punishment correction, and alternatives to physical punishment.
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I feel weak about training him to do anything
When faced with lots to do and a sense of weakness, think of delegation. When you delegate, you still have to supervise the one you delegated to and you cannot let it go on its own. What you delegated should have been on your “top ten” list and ranked as important. You can use technology, make him create the curriculums while you just reorganize it, or you can seek help from a friend or expert (consultant).
Let’s say you decide your top ten list looks like the list below and your priorities are clear. You are in a level 3 relationship and have your agreement in place. Your agreement gives you full control of the 5 food groups and you agreed to moderate kink and some forms of punishment. Think of this as a first list as a leader. The day is Saturday and Friday night you completed your relationship agreement together. In the task list below you can see I have delegated many things and I am thinking about finding another women to help me with the initial phase where I am weak or don’t have time. The most important thing for today is to keep him motivated and least important (yet ultimately more important) is creating a map to our relationship closest to our measurable ideals. The lower 4 items are hardest to do so they will take time.
- Keep him motivated today
- Tell him to go to the bank today and get some cash ($100) for his lunches and gas.
- Today he will clean the garage and present his work for inspection.
- Tonight I want the full pampering treatment.
- Have him present me with a list of things from which I can choose.
- Have him get naked and shower at 6 in preparation and dress in an apron.
- Have him cook and serve a simple dinner, (salad and chicken).
- For this entire week I want him once each day to kneel in front of me and ask me to be his leader.
- Set-up an early morning breakfast meeting for tomorrow with my man (Sunday). Discuss the following points in order:
- Delegating ceremony – draft due in 2 days.
- Getting financial accounts and documents, (due next Sunday).
- Collect his credit cards and give him cash for the next week.
- He will call me anytime he is going to spend more than $10 except for gasoline.
- I will keep his cards until I create a budget and spending plan.
- I am reaching out to see if I can find someone I can trust to help mentor and train.
- Until I finish my plan I want him to ask me each night at 9 if I want pampering.
- He will look into a chastity device and show me, (due next Sunday).
- He will buy net nanny, (due next Sunday).
- Close out his bad habits – specifically internet porn and masturbation
- Create a ceremony where he formally acknowledges my leadership and symbolically hands control to me
- I can clear this from my list easily by delegating
- Delegate this to my man
- Give him a verbal outline while we have breakfast
- I want the ceremony to include him kneeling in front of me
- Keep his cards until you create a budget and spending plan
- Have him think about guests
- Bring it to me for editing in 3 days
- Plan what I want from him on a daily basis
- Make a plan for his short-term service of my body
- Teach him how I want him to respond to me
- Teach him what I want on a daily basis
- Delegate chores/responsibilities to him and create a way I can know when they are done so I can check
- Create a yahoo account to receive sensitive email about FLR
- Run an ad on Craig’s list to see of any women could help train him
- Get control of the finances and plan a budget that will work
- Meet with him over breakfast
- He will bring me all financial documents he has
- Teach him what I want on a daily basis
- Delegate chores/responsibilities to him and create a way I can know when they are done so I can check
- Create and publish my agenda
- Get control of the 5 food groups
- Motivate my man to fulfill his lowest need(s) control and vulnerability
- Create a map to our relationship closest to our measurable ideals
Training your man by providing a positive learning experience
A positive learning experience provides rewards for goals met, praise for active participation and goal achievement. If you want your man to do the laundry to your standard, joyfully invite him to see how you do it. Explain what you are thinking as you go and have him repeat what you did giving him only positive reinforcement for what he is doing right and showing him what he needs to relearn. The goal is to learn how to do the laundry. Once he does give him affection and praise.
Training your man by achievable learning goals and rewards
Learning goals and rewards begin with your selecting what he is to learn. He will ask for a reward of his choosing (you can limit his choices by using a list). You will teach him and watch his progress. When he learns the task, he has met his goal and is to be commended. When he shows prolonged retention of that learning he gets the reward.
Training your man by coaching
Coaches demonstrate the task or have it demonstrated then guide from the sidelines watching the learner and continuing to participate in their learning. Coaching as a style should be authoritative. The reward is getting the coaching and getting to participate.
Training your man with the dominant teacher approach
Consider getting help from another woman or man who is more dominant than you. You play the good leader and she/he plays the strict disciplinarian. You will need to coach at the same time but the tag team approach gives the learner plenty of focus time on his fantasy and reinforces the woman’s leadership and superior role.
Training your man with the boot camp approach
Boot camp is an intensive approach. It works best when there is more than one trainer or the trainer has a lot of time. The idea is to break down the learner, break them of their will, then instill new values in them. It is a form of programming used by the military and law enforcement. This might be the ultimate fantasy for him.
All training requires motivation and authority
The trainer is always greater and over the trainee. She uses his fantasies and motivation to his advantage, which ultimately speeds up the learning curve.
All very good information, but what about her bad habits? She’s human and she’ll have them too. Will she be able to “man up” and honestly say she may not be the best at handling money for example? Or will she just not say anything and head to the casino for a gambling spree? The latter is more likely – and on that one point the whole FLR plan falls apart. Partners need to be well aware of each other’s capabilities and the best person for handling each task. It still may end up with him doing household chores, but at least he is an equal partner instead of a slave. He doesn’t have to lose his self respect.
Any man who has a fantasy about domination may not necessarily enjoy being dominated. He may want out when reality sets in. He’ll want out and with all the freedom she has – to come and go as she pleases, she won’t want to stop. Result: divorce or he continues without his consent just to keep her happy. The whole “FLR is about equal partners” or “in an FLR the man’s opinions matter, too”. Both of these are false. It’s more like: An FLR starts out where they are true, but with him chaste she uses his horniness to get him further and further into submission both statements become invalid. At this point in controlling him, there is nothing she cannot make him do. The “healthy” relationship becomes more an owner – slave relationship. Her power is all encompassing, she is domestically assaulting him. Who keeps her in check? Herself? Unlikely, how many men have told their battered wife “I’ll never hit you again.”. They always do and she lives in fear of his next beating. Battered men’s shelters will soon start appearing. Is this to be the bright shining future of a female led society? Or is it merely revenge for “because men did it to us”.
thats why a couple makes agreements
Gerry B,
In most productive societies/tribes men do not complain and struggle with his female dominant. Granted there are mistakes on both ends, the struggle you’re speaking of is derived from patriarchy. To each his/her own, using discernment is best. Whining is not productive or sincere.
My dear, very interesting when it comes to your comments to Gerry B. To each his own, using discernment is best. Whining is not productive or sincere. I find your comments with questions in reference to your words, “Most productive societies/tribes men do not complain and struggle with his female dominant.” May I inquire with you as to a reference of evidence when one uses the terms most productive societies/tribe where men did not complain or struggle with female dominant. Why do I inquire with you, your comments seem to come from knowing some history and then I look to the naiton of the United States, I look and see a very productive nation in the history of the world, and I believe it was as we have heard, a male dominant society. So please do provide some data on my above questions.
Using American history as an example. Not a great idea. Yes it was very productive and also built on the backs of forced free labor. So whose point are you trying to make? Because it sounds like your saying slavery works. I thought we joined this site because we want and crave this.
To the man “with a brain to think” dated 11 October 2020, amen!! Yes, the U.S. has always been a male-dominated country!! Having said that, I am a woman, who thrived in the U.S. military for 33 years prior to retiring. I love the men in the service, they were totally awesome! You have to know the lay of the land and the honest facts to best accommodate those you work and play with. You have to know the rules of the game! I am here trying to figure out the rules of the FLR game, which seem to shift like the wind and dunes of sand. Gerry B might want to sit back and think before making unsubstantiated and false statements, however, I am sure Gerry’s heart was in the right place. Heck, look at the bible, they used to stone us women, and in some countries, they still have some pretty barbaric customs when it comes to how women and girls are treated! Go figure! It is always important you know where your land mines are, least you lose a leg or other body part in the process.
Most Kindly, J
My mother warned me about such women as you.
Maam Thanks for your comments here. I am new here seeking to learn Respectfuly Glen
I am in a 30 year marriage that we now know has the name of FLR. My wife reined in my chaotic life from the beginning. She saved me from bankruptcy. I was a gambler, a drinker and a whoremonger. She willingly took on my debts and weaknesses when we married and immediately took over everything from money to household decisions to sex decisions (when where how) and I was ok with it. We discussed it before marriage. I had a good job but I was failing in many facets of life. I believe I still have a good career thanks to my FLR. Who knows? I may still be alive thanks to the leadership of the woman in my life.
On many sites it seems predicated on the assumption that the male is hornier than the female. I think it is the other way around. Why do the sites all require the female to be sexually satisfied and the male gets nothing or worse? Or just maybe FLRs are all one big kink? I know I haven’t seen this kind of sex talk in partnership in models or male led relationship. I was asked to look up information by my girlfriend and I am reporting back the kink. We don’t need it!
And? What if she is hornier than the male? It’s a Female Led Relationship. She gets what she want when she wants. How many times has a woman had intercourse and been left unsatisfied. For decades in male led relationship we thought the female orgasm was a myth. So we didn’t have to try very hard. I look forward in looking up and seeing a smile on her face.
She’s supposed to give you good sex too. It’s a two-way street. Don’t believe me? Read the Bible.
i would rather eat glass than be in a FLR relationship. Women can be the worst creatures on earth and once with power usually abuse their men in one form or another- the same as some men do with power. Were all sinners and prone to this. The first person to ever abuse me was a woman-A Nun of all things when i was a 6 yr old boy. She taught me a woman can be cruel. She took delight in this. When this happens it leads to a lifetime of abuse by other women who look for those who have been scarred by this and even are no nice for a while until the real them shows their ugly side. No thank you .I am 65 now with 2 children and now i have peace and would rather be alone than be treated like shut by a woman
Lou your issue is the Catholic religion…not women. Not all women abuse their authority just like not all men do. I can assure you my female partner does not…our relationship is dramatically better with her steady and consistent leadership and I am a much better version of myself with her guidance. Most men that desire FLR have difficulty leading and managing their own daily live in productive and consistent ways. I struggle with ADD and social anxiety and being aware of social boundaries. I’m highly intelligent but I’m a scattered mess at time. FLR has given me a structure I desperately needed…she’s helped me in so many ways I never could have done myself…she’s made me a better person. So maybe this isn’t for you…I don’t expect or think anyone should eat glass when they don’t want to. I would suggest you consider not everyone is like you, has your back ground, your socialization or religious indoctrination. I know about the nuns. They are brutal. But they are usually sexually repressed, self denying bitches who are angry at the world for decisions they made a long time ago. I’d blame the church first…but that’s my opinion. I know their are great caring nuns who aren’t bitches…although I have yet to meet one. Good luck to you and I hope you are and remain happy.
Marshall you are so right.in no way can you compare a religious(Catholic Nun’s situation) to FLR relationship(s).It is unfortunate that Lou has had a very bad relationship with females at such a young age.FLR realationship(s) as all different,need to be something both agree upon.I was in a 24/7 FLR relationship for years and it worked very well for me .I need that dominant type of leadership in my life on a regular basis.I need both a consistent lifestyle along with my finances and social activities managed.Presently I am now single and hoping to find a mate.FLR is not for everyone and in no way can you say all women are man haters in FLR relationships.FLR seems to get a bad rap at times by the wrong people.
I am wondering why anyone would be posting here if they aren’t interested in FLR, kinds weird. I personally love men, especially when the are on their knees lol
This is one thing I want to learn more about is a reason why I am here not to waste peoples time
Rowan Thanks for your comments still learning. It is hard to post here with the Robot Verifier Sincerely Glen
I’m only interested because of Marisa Rudder and her books. I wanted to know if something like this actually worked.
Well said, could not agree more.
but dont you prefer a masculine competent man of strength..to kneel for you?
I am here to learn about this lifestyle not to waste peoples time
I am looking for an online Mandarin language FLR forum. Anyone aware of any?
I am so Enjoying studying this lifestyle that I was always curious about, yet waited so long to implement, or at least give into, and now am just here to discover possibilities – because I am still alive 🤣 and to perhaps actually have a chance to enjoy the feeling of being in such a relationship. Thanks aboutflr for supplying the format to help me discover more and learn more about
this is kiling our coutry
I am in a FLR and I would like to make a few comments. The first is that my wife does not want a wimpy man nor a feminine man. She wants me to be physically strong and toned and to dress well and speak kindly. Nor does she want to be weighed down with dealing with detail. So for example, I read in many FLR web sites that the wife takes control of the finances. In our marriage, she wants me to take control of the finances. She is not good with detail and leaves it to me. All the regular stuff I just pay. She will sometimes lay out clothes for me but usually she will just leave it to me. She expects me to dress well. I am expected to wait on her. Bring her drinks and push her chair in. All pretty normal respectful stuff.
By way of history, the first inclination of something different was when it came to sex. She wanted to be on top. She said that she found it easier to get aroused. There was a fair bit of experimenting early in the marriage where I would cum before her and go soft and she would be left unsatisfied. She said she wanted us to cum together but I would cum early. We went through a period where she was frustrated and then through discussion we agreed that I would hold off and giver her time to orgasm. But then having held off I couldn’t immediately cum and then I would get frustrated. We also talked through other aspects of sex were she indicated that often she felt obligated to just give me sex so I would not get grumpy or obligated to perform and fake orgasm so then proceed to my orgasm. I really had this desire to look after her and not put pressure on her and the end result of these discussions was that she would initiate sex. I was not to ask or talk about it or beg or plead. I would try to get her in the mood by making sure the house was clean and the chores all done. Give her flowers and so on. Over time, sex is only when she wants it and I never orgasm inside her. I get to masturbate about once a month but sometimes she will make me abstain for several months.
Because I need to talk about how I feel and to understand how she feels we have a time on Sunday where we sit together with a glass of wine and can talk about anything. I can ask how long I will have to abstain or how she is feeling. Like does she feel obligated to do anything and so on.
Also somewhere in this I spoke about how I was not good at reading hints and that I liked to know exactly what I was doing right or wrong. I mentioned that I would like her to help me be better by spanking me but she was not enthusiastic about that. Her comment being that I was not a child and she did not want to treat me as a child.
Fast forward a bit and I had asked her to spank me in regard to it excited me. More discussions that kind of brought out my desires to look after her. She did whip me a few times and then there was a break. She said she found it wrong to hurt someone. I said things like other people do it and that it helped me stay on a submissive headspace and so on. So now she whips me but not as punishment but as a reward and it’s her way of supporting me. She will say I am doing this for you. On the detail, when I am to be whipped, she will tell me to go and get ready. I have to get the ropes and toe them to the corners of the bed. I then remove my clothes and lie spread eagle and she ties me down and gags me because we both know I am too weak to endure on my own. At this stage I am questioning in my own mind if I am just too weird. Then she whips me. It’s insanely painful and I am totally focused on surviving the pain. Then it’s over.
It is similar in our FLR. My wife also wants a man who is something she can outwardly be proud of. But she lets me be the man in the house I want to be there: a beta male, submissive and also a bit masochistic.
Andre, you wrote “Her comment being that I was not a child and she did not want to treat me as a child”.
In my opinion, this is a very sore point for many men who dream of a FLR. They subconsciously expect the woman to carry most of the load in the FLR. She should decide everything, arrange everything, always stand by to check, punish and so on. If a woman lives such a FLR as is expected in the minds of many men, then she is only occupied with her hubby all day long. As if she had another child. Many women just don’t want that and, oh wonder, the FLR goes wrong or the woman lets it fall asleep.
It is also possible in another way, as you have described it. So also with us.
In principle, my wife is in charge of all 5 food groups.
Finances (We arrange the everyday finances together, I have to clarify with her what goes beyond my pocket money, she doesn’t have to do anything of the sort.)
Life Direction (we decide on this in partnership, but she has a veto right and I don’t)
Free time (She definitely decides 100% about her own free time and 100% about our free time together. Of course I can suggest, but she decides. I then can decide for the left time by myself)
Housework (There are things she wants to do herself, I have to do the rest. There are exceptions, for example if there is simply not enough time, then she does it herself. No problem as long as it is justified and rare.).
Sex (Absolutely her control area. She decides when and what she wants, I don’t decide anything. I’m allowed to ask, but not beg. And I’m not allowed to ask all the time (don’t be annoying!) but only carefully when she’s in the mood. Chastity and strict orgasm control are absoltely mandatory to her, no exeptions)
So it’s an FLR in all levels, depending on the situation and the food group.
When it comes to punishment, your FLR is very different from mine. I do get penalties. With the whip, the paddle or the cane if violent offenses have occurred. Masturbation or lying would be something like that, for example. Then it will really hurt. My wife gets great satisfaction when I beg to stop and vow to do better. Above all, she enjoys the power to comply or not to comply with my begging. Unfortunately, she feels just as comfortable in the role of the kind as in the role of the unimpressed. The latter more often.
Other, lighter offenses are classically punished by denial of orgasm, tease & denial, ruined orgasm and humiliating things. And there are a number of other penalties as well.
In my opinion, the secret with an FLR is always to find the right dose and frequency in everything and every day. All that in order to offer the woman the benefit that the FLR should have for her. Giving much and wanting less is priority 1 for the man in a FLR.
Hi,
Thank you for your article.
There are lots of good ideas and concepts here to help couples begin the journey of FLRs.
In my opinion though, there is far too much emphasis of the Women having to do everything to ensure the dynamic functions. For example the Women should; organise, create, manage, ensure, lists, structure, rules, oversee etc. etc.
If the man is expecting Her to do all of this then it is really missing the point. In FLRs, the power dynamic shifts so that the Women is in charge. However, this doesn’t mean that She has to now take complete responsibility for him and micro-manage his behaviours. Instead, he should be expected to manage his own behaviours in a way that always puts Her thoughts and feelings first. Her needs and desires are the priority for him.
If I expected my Wife to create spreadsheets and list, to manage me like a small child, this would be exhausting for Her. She is busy enough with being a successful business owner and being the bread winner. The last thing I want to do is put more pressure on Her and for Her to spend Her precious time managing me. I am not a child, but I am expected to become a better husband to her and grow emotionally.
The whole reason we have changed to an FLR is because the previous paradigm of a dominant male ego trying to lead the family failed catastrophically and my Wife was constantly trying to manage all of the fallout from that.
Now, She expects me to be a responsible adult who is able to self task and achieve the goals that support Her. Do I answer to Her at the end of the day? Yes of course I do. Do I worship Her? Absolutely
For your readers looking to start and FLR, the thing for the mane to bear in mind is ‘how can I change my behaviours in a way that supports Her and makes Her life easier?’ For the Woman, it is ‘Are my needs, desires and expectations being met by my man, and if not then how can his behaviour be addressed to achieve the desired outcome?’
Thank you (You), I am unsure if you are a Woman or a man, but appreciate your effort in creating this piece.
Namaste x
What I don’t like about this article, is it’s like they are trying to build Rome in one day. This all takes time, and learning. It also takes two willing participants. My training period began well over a year before we married, and for six months of that, I took a part time job in the housekeeping department of a hotel to sharpen my bedmaking, cleaning, vacuuming, and toilet scrubbing skills. With a full year she had time to properly teach me, and shape me into what she wanted. We both learned alot along the way that we could try, and sometimes implement into our FLR.
My wife’s birthday present two years ago was two large boxes of discarded women’s clothes from a Goodwill discard bin. So many dresses, and pleated skirts just going to the trash. She knew how much I love laundry, and ironing. I spent the day washing, and ironing them, and folding them all up. Then I donated them all back with a thank you card for the use of them!
Oh my God…so many weak men. you dont have to be a slave…whether a man or a woman. A good relationship reflects compromise and strengths from both partners…give and take. dont mistake this FLR stuff to be anything more than a fetish cos thats what it is and its given a human face by weak men who allow themselves to be led by a mommy complex (check your pysche books guys) No woman repsects a wimp or a sissy and as for my opinion and it is only that…I couldnt respect a woman who didnt have a backbone.. good relationships become twisted and bent out of shape once we start talking about slaves and training.. you train animals not human beings..I honestly cant believe any woman loves and respects a man who would want this rubbish. Kinks are kinks and are best kept in your head or at the most in the ebdroom, once you let them out to play youre asking for realtionship destruction.
There are many couples who enjoy FLR and it works for them. Some women do want a submissive man or sissy as a mate. My marriage is a FLR and we are happy and have little conflict. I am submissive to my wife and no one else.
I never believed in female supremacy. There are a group of people that think all females are superior to men which I find to be complete rubbish. Everyone has different beliefs. You are entitled to yours. But many of the things you say in your post do not apply to my FLR marriage. I am neither weak or a slave. I enjoy obeying my wife. We used to argue all the time. The FLR has improved our marriage.
All good points, if a couple enjoy FLR good for them, 3 out of 4 marriages end in divorce. Numbers like that aren’t good for a nation. I always turn to the Bible-when I don’t know the answer to a question. When a man and a woman marry they become one unit- so if they agree on FLR there’s your one unit. Marriage in the Bible is a powerful thing. The only Verse I try to understand is that the Man according to God is the head of the household- so if the Man agrees to FLR then he is allowing the Women to be in charge- nothing wrong with that. So ultimately he is truly still in charge- with the wife being given the authority by her husband to learn some leadership roles. I hope every marriage can find their own style to stay together and be happy. Thank You