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One area men consistently ask advice on is "Becoming what she wants". This assumes she wants anything to change. The frustration I read and hear is when men attempt FLR on their own instead of in a relationship with the leadership and support of their spouse. What women want may not be what men want.
Author: 2011-03-02 11:58:10 [reply]
A wiseman once told me that EVERYONE has something worth listening too and when you listen enough you will get smarter. We value the ideas and opinions of our readers on the topic of "Becoming what she wants - Issues in female led relationships. "True genius resides in the capacity for evaluation of uncertain, hazardous, and conflicting information." Winston Churchill (British Orator, Author and Prime Minister during World War II. 1874-1965)
I think most women don't know what they want in a man "exactly" but generally they want their men to be respectful, in love, themselves, kind, and to show honor when it is due. Obedience is nice too but a gentleman is better. - my thought.
Author: 2011-03-27 10:35:13 [reply]
Ann1000Days Ann, I would agree with your observations, but I would also add that I think that women may want much more than you listed - but that is simply my humle opinion. I also fell that what they want is dynamic - it is perpetually evolvingb and changing, and that is completely acceptable, all relationships change and evolve and it seems to be healthy for all types of relationships.
Reply by: 2011-05-17 19:31:45 [reply]
I have to ask what my wife want from me. I am not a mind reader and sometimes if I guess at what she want from me I completely miss the mark. We are talking more and more these days about me meeting her needs. This promts her in her desire to meet mine. However I find that my needs are meet in meeting hers. Whether it is asking what she needs from me when I get home from work or if it is taking on more around the house wihtout being asked. Communication is the biggest key though. Just ask!
Author: 2011-03-31 11:57:46 [reply]
Troy44 That is very wise, "We are talking more and more these days about me meeting her needs. This promts her in her desire to meet mine." nice ideas which work well in relationships
Reply by: 2011-03-31 19:03:01 [reply]
Troy44 Troy - yes but most males learn quickly - I know my role is to adapt and understand so that my Lady's needs are anticipated and taken care of over time.. learning to me is extremely important in any relationship and paramount in an FLR...being attentive at all times.
Reply by: 2017-02-24 22:09:36 [reply]
I am not sure where this topic fits. I know that my wife would want me to continue to grow in this area. The topic is based more around family. I don't see a topic that discusses 'Family' directly. Maybe this is not the forum for this. Anyway, My son is pretty much a dads boy. We practice sport together, spend time scouting, workout together, I help hime with his homework, anytime there is a particular chance to ride with me or my wife he comes with me. My discipline seems to be much more affective then hers when it comes to our son. I constantly have to remind him to be respectful of her. I have asked my wife if I am disrespectful to her and she says that occationally I can be, but that it is rare. I want to raise my son to be a respectful young man period, whether or not he chooses FLR or it chooses him. He must respect his mother. I want to leave this question; how can we (men) be more of what our wives need us to be in raising our children? What are the danger signs or what do we need to be concerned with?
Author: 2011-04-27 13:05:41 [reply]
Troy44 Good question Troy 44 I join your question. gat1207
Reply by: 2011-04-27 13:20:45 [reply]
I have heard guys say this quite a bit "I just want to be what she wants". What she wants is you silly man, with a few modifications. You are together right? If not then your relationship might not last. I'd try being yourself, paying more attention to her needs and having fun, laughing together and having a few adventures first before changing yourself. Change what you do and think, not who you are.
Author: 2011-04-27 18:03:25 [reply]
Ann1000Days Be yourself, pay more attention to her needs, have fun...Change what you do and think, not who you are. This is all really helpful advice for me as a man working towards a more open flr. Thank you.
Reply by: 2012-08-23 15:16:46 [reply]
Ann1000Days "Change what you do and think, not who you are" I agree... With time my wife re-socalized me and at first I was resistant and hesitent to it, I eventually aborbed it and now we are a much happier couple. Now I don't mind doing all the household chores.
Reply by: 2012-12-24 20:05:15 [reply]
Ann1000Days Great advice. You are just being molded to meet her needs and you desire this too. She is ultimately the leader
Reply by: 2014-12-07 21:35:46 [reply]
Start slow and see where she wants you to be. I came out trying to think of what I could do to make her life easier and to show her that I was actively pursuing what I thought she would want. I started doing everything around the house as far as cleaning, laundry, etc. I poured her wine and placed her towels in the bathroom every night with a flower on them. My wife at first was suspicious of what was going on. I just kept doing it and let her know that I wanted to do it for her. She sometimes got irritated and I questioned whether I should continue. After a few weeks there was a morning where I did not start her shower for her because I slept in. I brought her coffee to her still and when she got out of the shower the bed was still not made yet (I had been making it while she showered for the last few weeks). She asked me if I was mad at her and I replied "of course not" and let her know that I thought that she was mad at me and thought that I was overbearing in my endeavors and hovering over her too much. She let me know then that she had liked what I had been doing and that she wanted it "all" and that I could indeed continue with those endeavors but to leave her the private time she requires in the morning also. I have increased many areas of my service to her since that moment. It was a defining moment in our relationship anyway. After a few months now, her expectations have increased and I can tell that she is appreciating our roles in the relationship and is helping me to define what exactly she wants. It is a work in progress. We are indeed having fun with it. I can also tell that she is playing with her power a little checking my reaction to her display of it. Today, right after she had come downstairs, she made the comment that her purse did not go with her outfit. She told me to go upstairs and get her brown purse that matched her outfit. Then she told me to move the contents of her black purse to the brown purse. Didn't even say please. Needless to say, I am in heaven.
Author: 2011-05-02 12:56:04 [reply]
Michael 1001 Why not just define your need to serve, help her understand who you are inside and have an open and real FLR?
Reply by: 2011-09-14 07:23:08 [reply]
I want this kind of relationship and i had no idea she was really ready for it or was previously more dominant than i imagined and super alpha and in charge. So, i am having a hard time letting go of everything to her. She is attractive and flirts. I get jealous and turned on and having a hard time letting go of these things completely. She does not like to be interrupted and has many things at her place that have to be done just right or she gets angry with me. I like it but i had no idea she was this dominant and it is really taking some focus for me on making sure i obey and do some adjusting. I really had no idea i interrupted that much until she started making me aware. I think i am smart and intelligent and i have things to say but she is also very intelligent and she rather i shut up most of the time which is fine but it is so new to me i really have to think. out of the blue i got all macho and I tried to dominate one night just out of the blue started lecturing her and ... it did not end well at all. I slip into these times i get manly man thing in me wanting to take charge and i think sometimes she likes it and sometimes she wants me to obey... I love when she is in charge but sometimes it catches me by surprise how dominant she can be and it is taking time for me to adjust and I wonder is there any advice to adjusting faster or better? I am really in love with her. i am adjusting but sometimes i am afraid it is not fast enough for her...
Author: 2011-08-08 06:57:07 [reply]
Guest I totally agree on the part about not being able to resist the occasional lapse into lecturing. It is hard for me to instinctively accept what I intellectually accept, but I think that is probably normal. Keep the communication going and say to her what you just said to us. You will be fine.
Reply by: 2011-08-26 11:42:45 [reply]
Rather than 'assuming' you are 'lapsing' into dominant behaviour; ask Her -She may wish you to play a role for her amusement sometimes; every leader needs to relax and let go sometimes; it may be that your 'lecturing' may amuse or She may enjoy remonstrating or punishing you. Trust the ebb and flow of the relationship and agree to review the changes or differences under Her lead....
Reply by: 2014-12-29 14:10:01 [reply]
One question that come sto my mind when I read the reply here from Ladye44 and the original question is how much of this problem is in the mind of the man, after all a good leader knows that things take time and there will be mistakes along the way and the journey towards a goal can also be a stimulating experience ? :-)
Reply by: 2015-01-01 04:53:34
Here is a thought, what if what she wants is you with some minor changes? You did meet, court and fall in love right? It seems better that she has a couple of peves she wants to fix and wants to help the guy become a better helper as they may not have learned that skill
Author: 2011-09-19 05:38:08 [reply]
I think listening is important, and not just verbally. There are a lot of other communication cues. I think learning her cues are a big part of devoting yourself to her and meeting her needs. There is definitly a feeling of pride about being able to anticipate what she wants.
Author: 2012-01-14 12:00:53 [reply]
Sorry, i meant "definitely"
Author: 2012-01-14 12:04:04 [reply]