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Discussing Issues in Female Led Relationships

The topic of "Define the difference between submission vs. surrender - Issues in female led relationships" is covered from the viewpoint of the Author of this website, what Experts say about "Define the difference between submission vs. surrender - Issues in female led relationships" and how our users feel about the subject. You can participate freely. We invite expert opinion via email. We value all kinds of information such as: research, anecdotal information and perspective.

Discussion Home > Submission vs. Surrender > Define the difference between submission vs. surrender

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A wiseman once told me that EVERYONE has something worth listening too and when you listen enough you will get smarter. We value the ideas and opinions of our readers on the topic of "Define the difference between submission vs. surrender - Issues in female led relationships. "True genius resides in the capacity for evaluation of uncertain, hazardous, and conflicting information." Winston Churchill (British Orator, Author and Prime Minister during World War II. 1874-1965)

I believe submission is because you have to and surrender is because you want to.
Author: Admin 2010-12-10 18:50:27    [reply]
admin
I'll take a crack at this - I like this one for submission "form of animal behaviour in which one individual attempts through appeasement displays to avoid injury by a dominant member of its own species." and "the quality or condition of being submissive to another"

and for surrender "to relinquish or forego position as a voluntary concession to another: he surrendered his leadership to his wife"

Reply by: Eta777 2010-12-29 17:37:37    [reply]
Admin I agree with you. It seems to me that submission is making a more superficial choice, whereas surrender is more powerful...it signifies a deep letting go on a more spiritual level. For me, this means I have truly and deeply acknowledged the superiority of my Lady and that she is better at running things and making decisions than I am, and I have surrendered my choice-making power to her. Submission seems more like making the choice repeatedly rather than permanently.
Reply by: Doc4FemLeader 2011-08-10 10:37:55    [reply]
Doc4FemLeader MY wife makes all the decisions and I trust her judgement. I consider myself submissive but is it really surrender?
Reply by: Guest 2017-09-05 09:49:08    
Doc4FemLeader in my case my late wife gave me no choice it was do what she said or what she would show my parents and friends. I submitted to her when I saw her change into a woman that knew what she wanted. I saw one that was serious and not playing around. when you get to that point you know your worth and power and she didnt want to loose it or show weakness. I new she loved me I got a lot of attention and was told how to do things to perfection. she showed and guided me to what she wanted for every thing to work easy.
Reply by: Cyclanics22 2017-09-06 14:24:26    
Admin detail of theo in definition ie theatrical, ceremonial, mandatorial
Reply by: Dbowen 2011-11-14 20:59:13    [reply]
After reading some of the levels on the site I think I am beginning to understand how submission and surrender contribute to progression through the levels of FLRs. Levels 1-3 begin with the act of submission; the man agreeing to submit to the leadership of the woman. However, in levels 3 & 4 the true FLR emerges as the woman is now in total control and the man does not submit - he surrenders to her dominance.
Author: Guest 2011-01-01 16:38:19    [reply]
Guest
What a great guest you are, thay really sums it up

Reply by: Admin 2011-01-01 17:34:00    [reply]
I think the difference is a matter of will, with submission there is a hint of force and with surrender there seems to be a leaving off of the old person and becoming someone new - a life changing experience.
Author: Nikki 2011-01-25 08:55:25    [reply]
Ryan5248 i agree at the star levels 1 2 you are sold the idea and you submitt.At 3/4 you are on board and you surrender willingly.
Reply by: Ryan5248 2015-08-11 09:48:54    [reply]
surrender is what people do when they joyfully want to give into their lover
Author: Guest 2011-03-03 15:26:33    [reply]
asfafasf asasfasfasf asasfasfasf
Author: Prickly Pear 2011-03-03 15:27:57    [reply]
Prickly Pear Well said!
Reply by: Rodriguez 2011-03-11 09:38:34    [reply]
Rodriguez LOLZ :)
Reply by: Heartandsoul297 2015-11-17 18:53:12    
To me, "submission" is role-playing and "surrender" is complete turn-over of control to your partner. In the former, she plays "mistress" or "femdom" for your male fantasies. In the latter, she plays "supremacist" for your male-elected, subjugated lifestyle. The former is levels 1, 2, or 3. The latter is definitely level 4. For the male submissive, his woman is on top when they play, she guides him to climax during lovemaking, he ejaculates, and then they are off as equals, with him continuing his male ways - including masturbation. The surrendered man is far different - embracing the woman as supreme and turning over control of his erections and releases to the female in charge. He surrenders his orgasms to her as she denies him over extended periods, he releases only by her hand (and he is not allowed to masturbate), and he will undergo obedience training by her, including regular maintenance discipline to develop him and painful punishments to correct behaviors she does not want. The surrendered male often forgoes penetrative sex, and instead is focused on oral servicing of his female supremacist to provide her pleasure while he is denied. The surrendered male wants and embraces this.
Author: GeneWn 2011-03-22 22:15:55    [reply]
GeneWn Sounds like you have a plan for all women right? Lets turn women into ejaculation controllers. surrender is not about orgasm my friend, it is about allowing yourself to please your woman by giving up yourself. You are on the wrong track. Women are not on earth to control your climax, we are here to be loved, honored and respected. Get with the program.
Reply by: Ann1000Days 2011-03-23 06:20:20    [reply]
Ann1000Days ouch that stings but I agree - we all have got to get away from the fetish man trying to control women. Submission is so close to surrender but surrender can be so much sweeter when I surrender my way to please my lady
Reply by: Radzzz 2011-03-23 08:56:34    
Ann1000Days Well said.
Reply by: Undulate202 2011-03-23 09:01:54    
Ann1000Days Nicely said! You told him :)!
Reply by: Heartandsoul297 2015-11-17 18:58:00    
Ann1000Days My wife controls my orgasms,but it goes way beyond that. All that matters is that I please her both in and out of the bedroom.
Reply by: Guest 2017-09-05 09:59:00    
Wow – what an excellent topic to discuss! There are many spiritual connotations associated with “surrender.” For example, one of my favorite spiritual teachings (called the Way of Mastery) says that “Desire, Intention, Allowance, and Surrender” are the keys to mastering one’s consciousness. Another favorite of mine – Eckhart Tolle – teaches surrender to the present moment, which simply means giving one’s full attention to what is. But in the context that we’re discussing here, the teachings of Tantra are perhaps the most relevant. Tantra is not a religion, and there is no dogma, just a conscious focus on the exchange of energy that takes place between partners. In the ancient wisdom of Tantra, the male always serves the female – she is his Goddess – and this is the most natural and fulfilling way for a couple to live and thrive. There is great ecstasy in the surrender of the male to the female, but the female also surrenders to allowing the male to serve her, which closes the loop and allows both to feel totally fulfilled.
Author: James1957 2011-03-28 09:00:38    [reply]
James1957 That was beautiful, well said. I hope to find that
Reply by: Guest 2011-03-28 12:15:54    [reply]
James1957 wow I'd like to have some of that, I'm going to look into it, do you have suggested reading?
Reply by: SusanM88 2011-03-28 15:27:25    [reply]
SusanM88 You might enjoy “The Heart of Tantric Sex: A Unique Guide to Love and Sexual Fulfillment” by Diana Richardson. Here’s an excerpt (p. 44): “Tantra taught me to pull my attention back to myself, to forget about the man and to engage with my own energy first. It taught me to bring the awareness in and downward and back into my body, to feel my belly and breath, to make love for myself, before I concerned myself with him. This may sound crazy, but it makes all the difference!”
Reply by: James1957 2011-03-29 08:29:25    
James1957 Beautifuly stated
Reply by: Newlover 2012-11-22 07:29:44    [reply]
James1957 Tantra is not just about sex! There are 112 Tantra exercises and only 6 out of the 112 are sexual. The other 106 exercises are techniques to help you live in the present, these techniques by the way are real meditation practices! the book titled The book of secrets by osho contains all 112 techniques, you can download the ebook for free, just Google it!
Reply by: Heartandsoul297 2015-11-17 19:12:01    [reply]
I have stayed away from this question as it confused me. I believe that was because I was trying to make it a sexual question. I believe that surrender comes when you are able to divest all of your emotional boundaries and successfully share intimacy. gat1207
Author: Gat1207 2011-04-13 11:54:57    [reply]
Gat1207 along those lines gat there may be a comparison between meditation and surrender when one focuses on the now and the person with us? What does everyone think of that?
Reply by: Ann1000Days 2011-04-13 12:02:53    [reply]
Ann1000Days The ideas I have been reading about surrender goes both ways at least for the duration of sex. It seems too good to be true, I must be missing something.
Reply by: SusanM88 2011-04-17 21:21:42    
SusanM88 James post above is erotic at least and 'oh my god' at most in describing surrender.
Reply by: Ann1000Days 2011-04-18 17:25:54    
Submission is a state that responds to dominance, subdugation or attack whereas surrender is a gift freely given. There is aggression in submission and love in surrender. I discipline with love, the deeper the connexion the stricter My protocol and expectations of servitude and worship.
Author: Guest 2011-09-25 03:20:46    [reply]
Submission and surrender both involve the relinquishing of power. Submission is an admission of superior power and relative weakness of authority. whilst surrender is an active relinquishing of autonomy involving faith in the humanity and compassion of the conqueror. Love can conquer all
Author: Grateful 2011-11-10 13:25:11    [reply]
Submission denotes force. There is voluntary and involuntary submission. everyone who has ever had a job, has submitted to the guidelines of the employer to receive something in exchange. Surrender however, is not something that cowardly people do. Surrender is total acceptance. It takes a very strong, brave person to surrender.. to accept what is, right now, right here and believe that things are this way for a reason. Surrender is not trying to change, manipulate, force or affect the outcome in any way shape or form. To truly surrender to anything/anyone is truly a brave, beautiful thing that very few people truly posses.
Author: Lila 2011-12-30 21:00:20    [reply]
Really? You are made to submit "period" that’s Femdom. When we truly surrender our hearts it's because we are in love, we all defend our hearts and we will only surrender them to the one we love. You can force me to submit, but you cant force me to surrender, you war guy's the enemy is forced to submit because they have no chance in wining and they know it and then are made to "formally surrender" it's just a term, some conquered enemies may surrender on paper but continue fighting forever, if you surrendered to your partner this way I feel sorry for you.
Author: Mlat 2012-01-22 04:32:34    [reply]
I agree with most that surrender is more absolute, but to me [being new to FLR and FemDom - craving for it and beeing afraid of it at the same time] the real difference is about trust. Accepting someone as my dominant I will submit to her freely and try to serve her as she wishes and to please her as best as I can - within limits. These limits are what i need to feel safe and to be able to submit in the first place. There being absolute trust (after some time) I will be able to surrender. Droping all limits - giving all power to her - beeing absolutely sure that she will take care of all my needs and will never act against my interests.
Author: Shimone 2012-02-26 10:23:06    [reply]
Shimone Why the extremes? Why not have a relationship you are comfortable with?
Reply by: Prickly Pear 2012-02-26 13:48:52    [reply]
For myself the difference between submission and surrender is one of semantics. To the unseasoned eye they appear to be the same thing. The devil is in the nuances of the language; but also in the nuances of the relationship. Submission is an agreement; Surrender is without agreement.
Author: Susieq 2012-05-15 16:36:41    [reply]
SusieqI think you're right about this being a discussion of semantics and fine nuances of difference between the two words. I'd say that the submission comes with less choice, but rather as a result of circumstances. That is, one submitting to a higher authority or power because that is the order of things. In surrender, one chooses to give over and submit to that one more powerful. It is the act of conscious acceptance of the order of things.
Reply by: NorthCa 2012-06-24 12:54:25    [reply]
I think, in the context of relationships, submission shows a willingness to be led by one's partner while surrender indicates a psychological dependence on the partner. And the street runs both ways. Submission is only possible when the partner is accustomed to being in charge, surrender only when the partner wants and enjoys full domination.
Author: TerriAnn`s 2012-08-24 11:58:34    [reply]
TerriAnn`s I do not agree with that. Surrender is a deeper quality that simply says: I do no longer oppose you. I embrace your soul. It is a spiritual quality. Submission requires a dominant partner because it says: I submit, now take the lead. It demands. Surrender does not demand but embraces. Many men start a FLR relationship as submissives. To change their ideas and truly understand themselves and their partners it may need a level 3 or 4 type of control to help them learn surrender. If she succeeds in making the lifestyle she wants happen, any level will do in teaching him, what it means to surrender to her.
Reply by: Buntekuh 2013-02-26 05:52:24    [reply]
Surrender for me is a gift freely and joyfully given. It is an expression of complete trust and intimacy. Submission smacks (!) of constraint and therefore, in a free society, of role play. As a man, the idea of submission might turn me on but I recognise that as something connected to the Dark Side. It feels transitory and shameful. Surrender to my wife feels more permanent, more healthy, and something I can feel proud of as good for her as well as for me.
Author: Karim56 2012-10-10 08:12:48    [reply]
Amazing and enlightening replies. If we can trust our mate, it is very freeing for both of us. Trust is a beautiful most precious thing. I would say that that trust comes from faith. Just thinking. Love the responses.
Author: Newlover 2012-11-22 08:04:07    [reply]
I surrendered to my wife. I can call it off anytime I want. In actuality I am very dominant and she is very submissive so what we have is my surrender to her as the head of household and a promise remain chaste without using any device. She does not control my penis but rather I control it due to my promise to her. Although I feel submissive when she puts me in panties or has me clean her bathroom, it is not because I feel she is superior to me but rather a decision that after 40 years of her serving me, it is my turn to do all the things she used to do for me. It is working so far.
Author: Guest 2013-12-01 00:53:18    [reply]
Guest Congratulations on your surrender. Sounds like it is a win-win situation for both of you. I'd love to see more men agree to reverse the traditional roles and start serving their wives. There's no better way for men to learn to appreciate their wives.
Reply by: Pleasingyou 2014-02-15 14:26:24    [reply]
I admit that it is more unusual than males being in a FLR, however, there are some females that also desire, need to be in a FLR. Is there a difference between male who surrender to females and females to surrender to other females? Does it have to do with gender? Is it more about personality types? Archetypal core values of individuals?
Author: Talliert 2014-02-02 18:46:48    [reply]
Talliert Good point! Women and men can surrender in FLR to a woman, it is just not the main focus of this site. Some FLR leaders my want a poly house some may want more than one man, some a mix, some may not want sex at all just a new ordered life - relationships are personal.
Reply by: Susan 2014-02-03 09:13:02    [reply]
In my world, submission is a act of will; surrender is a state of mind.
Author: GaiasPet 2015-06-30 01:18:23    [reply]
I am new to this and have learned so much and am thankful,I hope to find a long term FLR and with what I learned go into surrender immediately. At first i was of course concerned about sexual needs of mine and was enlightened a bit on the bigger picture, it is quite beautiful. I think this style of relationship would be good for me and hope I can make my next mates life so much better.
Author: Goodmorning 2016-12-11 07:41:44    [reply]

 

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