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Discussing Issues in Female Led Relationships

The topic of "FLR Disadvantages - Issues in female led relationships" is covered from the viewpoint of the Author of this website, what Experts say about "FLR Disadvantages - Issues in female led relationships" and how our users feel about the subject. You can participate freely. We invite expert opinion via email. We value all kinds of information such as: research, anecdotal information and perspective.

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A wiseman once told me that EVERYONE has something worth listening too and when you listen enough you will get smarter. We value the ideas and opinions of our readers on the topic of "FLR Disadvantages - Issues in female led relationships. "True genius resides in the capacity for evaluation of uncertain, hazardous, and conflicting information." Winston Churchill (British Orator, Author and Prime Minister during World War II. 1874-1965)

There are some disadvantages that I have read about but have yet to encounter. Some women have difficulty in having all that responsibility because it is no longer shared. Also, since the woman is always receiving benefits and perks, that never increases which a woman may not like. If you think about it, if a male is all of a sudden the "home maker" because he wants to cook, clean and do everything, he simply just may not be good at it which can be frustrating for the woman. I would also say that some woman may find a FLR as an annoyance for example, if he begs too much, etc. Is this true? Does anyone out there feel this way?
Author: SusanM88 2010-12-29 16:20:53    [reply]
SusanM88
I am very interesting in female led relationships and have a few comments from the research I have been doing. I understand there are both advantages and disadvantages but you also need to remember that there are levels of FLR and each level will have its different advantages and disadvantages. Take a level four for example, which is the extreme level of female leadership. This involved a total exchange of power to the point where he literally surrenders. This can create several challenges such as physical changes, both being completely far out from social norms, a potentially destructive relationship and even destructive to people. It seems to me like the higher the level of FLR, the more possible damage that can be done.

Reply by: VickieKS3 2010-12-29 16:22:26    [reply]
VickieKS3
Wow, I didn't realize it can be that damaging and serious. So if a level four is almost considered to be the worst then I wonder what level would be conserved the 'healthiest'. Like, at what point do you worry and at what point are you considered 'safe' in a female led relationship?

Reply by: J9Fer 2010-12-29 16:30:20    
VickieKS3
It is always good to look at extremes to find fault in things - I believe what you said too. I feel most all activities in their "less than extreme" mode are safe and sane. My feeling is that FLR has it place at all levels but most women will be more confortable with level 1-3, because 4 is so not normal.

Reply by: Amy Lynn 2010-12-29 16:31:26    
Here is the thing J9Fer, like any other relationship you have your advantages and disadvantages but if you are both on the same page, I don't see how a female led relationship, no matter the level can be bad. I guess my point is any relationship can go bad at any point whether it's a FLR or not. I think a really important thing that me and my husband have yet to do is set an agreement just like any relationship has. This will involve an understanding of what will work for both of us. Things like the direction of the relationship, a strategy, who is responsible for what, how we will stay in communication throughout our relationship and more. This will assist in making everything not so complicated. I think if we stick to this, we should be OK.
Author: SusanM88 2010-12-29 16:31:47    [reply]
Maybe you can help me with this. My husband and I are trying a FLR and we are in level 2. What happens if we decide that we no longer want to be in a FLR? How will be go about changing things without completely destroying our relationship? Will it be the set pattern of our relationship forever?
Author: JustWondering 2011-01-01 15:40:30    [reply]
The FLR is an experience every man should undergo, but most probably will not have the courage to do. While the male should seek to please his female on his own, as a man I know this will not happen without incentive and training. That is why orgasm denial, enforced chastity and obedience training should be essential elements of any FLR between a woman and man. It is important that his endurance limits for non-ejaculation be pushed and he be carefully monitored for the emotional changes he will undergo during his female-led training. Afterwards, it is imperative he be thoroughly "milked" to relieve all pressures and hostilities before starting another cycle. Done successfully, the trained male will embrace FLR as an essential part of his life.
Author: GeneWn 2011-03-27 23:08:31    [reply]
GeneWn the topic "FLR Disadvantages" is a great place to post this. The polls on this site say about 75% of women want to control his release at some level, less though want to train a man especially in the way you might have in mind. What you are discussing is part of the fantasy that could become reality and it has a practical application but it is not an attractive option for most relationships. Self control if more attractive. The training in this case is slave training as in level 4 or maybe level 3 where they both agree on a test to see how it goes for them. I don`t think most women want the mantel of climax controller, they might respond better to a man who want's help redirecting his sexual energy away from masturbation to focus on her needs. It is way of looking at it in a relationship and not in a fantasy. lots of men and women are interested in experimenting with chastity.
Reply by: Prickly Pear 2011-03-28 06:15:53    [reply]
GeneWn ick, do you do that in your relationship? or are you saying people would enjoy it or is it that you hope people will?
Reply by: SusanM88 2011-03-28 15:26:25    [reply]
GeneWn Interesting that you as a man seem to be giving instructions on how you want a women to treat you including standard unrealistic porn scenarios, i.e him being milked after periods of enforced chastity, if the male is never allowed to have a proper orgasm, then how would chastity, and the sexual build up and so be of any help as he would know that there was no real release coming anyway ( IMHO, if you find happiness in a relationship as you describe, who am I to judge, it may work well for you and the special someone) Would love to read some more posts here of real problems that have come up after moving into a FLR model or relationship and how they an be avoided.
Reply by: Chrisg001 2015-03-06 08:55:36    [reply]
Chrisg001 I feel a strange pull in both directions; while on one hand I like the ideas and suggestions of men in my relationships I sometimes wonder of FLR is MLR in disguise - the jury is still out on this. My logical mind says to be perfectly fair in my relationships men should contribute and be free to do so - discouraging them seems bad form. My heart says why can't men just follow my lead (then I hear the echo; men want things from relationships too and it is my heart to nurture goodness)
Reply by: SusanM88 2015-03-06 12:03:08    
Many of the disadvantages many people see with FLR stems from having misunderstood the concept, and having confused it with traditional Femdom porn, which is still far more common on the Internet. To give an example, many women are turned off by the idea of having a "will-less" slave at their feet, and quite rightfully thinks it's just more work, and a lot less fun. That's why it's so important as a male, instead of just sitting around waiting for orders, take continuous action in making your woman's life easier and more enjoyable. It also goes to show that however submissive and obedient you are, you're still a person with a brain, and two helping hands. And that goes a long way.
Author: Servus Regina 2012-05-18 10:30:03    [reply]
I'm pretty new to this site and haven't ever visited a femdom one, but one thing that strikes me as odd is the fact that, despite FLRs being about and for the empowerment of women, users of this site are heavily male and the most enthusiastic advocates of the further reaches of FLR relationships are usually men. To a newbie like me it seems as though some of the guys who take it to a 4 level or further are almost desiring a return to a kind of boyhood where they relinquish all power to a sort of sexual maternal figure who can allow or deny sex. Maybe this is something deep within the male psyche. (The Catholic Madonna or Dante's Beatrice) Yet, I've been with a lot of women in my day and not heard one wish that she could be with a "slave" or juvenile. The women I've heard complain that men are too boyish and how hard it is to find a man who is strong, yet gracious and sensitive; self-assured, yet open to others. I guess that bothers me about the higher levels of FLRs: they seem to be about surrendering more than just control in the relationship and become about surrendering essential aspects of oneself such as identity apart from one's wife and submitting to the fantasy of submissiveness itself. I am concerned that FLRs can, in their more forward forms, devolve away from the empowerment of both partners in a healthy relationship and become a sort of living fantasy that is really about men and their inability to come to grips with the masculine strength and energies within them that they can bring to a healthy partnership. Before you attack me, I want to state that I am certainly in favor of healthy FLRs and feel that a certain amount of surrender to my wife is necessary, but it would do my wife no favors to surrender what's good and strong and masculine within me. I don't feel a return to boyhood is healthy, but prefer a devotion born of maturity.
Author: Lawrence_2 2012-06-06 22:49:56    [reply]
Lawrence_2 I think this is because a lot of men are led by fetish-like fantasies, and haven't given serious thought about what it truly would mean, to relinquish power to the woman, and how they would react to this. If you look at this site for instance, you see quite a few women who are Beyond level 4, and I've heard it's not unusual that once the woman has caught interest in this, she wants to push things further than the man. As well as ther are those who have clearly defined limits on how far they want to go. Generically speaking, women seem to have a more realistic view of what type of relationship they want. It's for us men to step up to the challenge, and display the same degree of maturity.
Reply by: Servus Regina 2012-06-08 09:57:38    [reply]
I like the Lawrence's view. High level FLR is, for the majority of couples A: undesirable or B: unattainable. That is probably a good thing. I really do like the idea of my wife having the keys to my chastity device but at times, I just want a regular relationship. How much of a normal relationship am I sacrificing?
Author: Newsubhub 2013-10-06 21:35:08    [reply]
My wife had the same concern about all the decisions and responsibility being dumped on her. I explained that she, as the person in charge of the relationship, can delegate responsibility just like a CEO of a corporation does. It only makes sense to put the person most knowledgeable about the matter to take on the project and when completed, report to his boss. That is how we run our FLR. All major decisions are jointly discussed. Wife has final say if we can not agree. This even scared my wife as she was afraid that she would make a bad decision, after 41 years of me taking care of things. I assured her that just like I would not let her drive off a cliff because she decided to make the wrong turn, I would not let any decision that I know will harm us, happen just because we agreed that she had final say. That would be destructive behavior. For the mundane stuff like what TV show to watch, what to eat, where to go, etc.. She can decide for both of us or ask my opinion. In reality she already knows what I like and some of the time will choose to please me. Just because the female is in charge does not mean that the love, respect and desire to please, goes away. It also does not mean that the relationship becomes all about sex and fetishes. It was not so when I was in charge so why would it be when we switch roles? D/S and FLR are not the same although they may be in some male fantasies. In reality, very few men would like the reality of living their fantasy, especially after they have reached an orgasm. I think most women know this. As far as chastity I am confused. Why would someone who willing acknowledges the female as being in charge have to be sexually manipulated to obey her. Why does he need to be punished for making a mistakes? If a person is truly submissive to his woman he will know when he did wrong and the fact that he made his woman sad or angry is punishment enough. I know it is for me and I apologize when it happens. My wife does not want a slave for a husband, that is a sexual relationship, not a marriage. A D/S relationship is different in my mind by I think men confuse it with a FLR because it has the element of submitting to the woman. I work for a woman and submit to her final authority all the time and yet she does not whip me and keep me in chastity, I do so because I acknowledge that she is in charge. It should be this way in a FLR. Once it goes beyond that it becomes something else. I have nothing against D/S as I had practiced it for almost 4 decades but it was not a relationship with my non pro mistress, it was a sex game we played often. However after we both had our orgasms, we put the toys away and treated each other as equals. That is the reality for the great majority of men, not what you see in porn movies or read about in the internet. I would think that most posts are the figment of some horny young man's imagination. Yes, my FLR is boring. An outsider would not even know it exists because we still care for each other and treat each other with respect. The areas where it has had the greatest impact have been financially and in handling the mundane myriad decisions that a couple has to make each day. I used to spend our money almost as fast as it came in. I would shop into the wee hours of the morning on the internet buying things I did not need. I often would receive packages of items I did not remember buying. I even received duplicate items because I ordered something unaware that I ordered it before. Yes that is a mental problem and I am on medication for it but my wife took my credit cards which strangely removed all temptation and desire to buy needless things anymore. Of course if I need something she let's me buy it because I am not her slave. If I go out without her, she gives me my credit cards in case of emergency as we are not stupid. I also get a $25 a week allowance which is more than enough for me since I work from home and do not go out without my wife much. I can save enough in a few months to buy my man toys and enjoy saving for them and thinking about when I get them, much like the anticipation of a hot day the next weekend. As far as the day to day decisions go, some we make together, some she makes to please me (remember a FLR is not about exercising her power but rather leading) while others she decides for her self. She does not order me to do things but rather asks me to and then thanks me afterwards. She does not have to order me to do what she wants because in our FLR I have committed myself to her authority and we still respect each other's dignity. We also keep our sex life separate from our day to day married life. Sometimes she is submissive in bed and sometime I am. She does not order me around in bed but rather we are equal. She has always had orgasms without me having one since we were married because I liked to do that for her so that just continues as it always was. As far as chastity goes, the closest we come to it is that I no longer bug her for sex like I used to or masturbate to porn because she asked me not to. However, she lets me know when we will be having sex and my 'chastity' only last about 3 days at most so no big deal for me. I kind of like it the way WE designed it because it feels like it did when we were dating and the anticipation of sex for a few days is deliciously exciting and frustrating at the same time. So there it is, a real FLR in all its boring glory. I just do not see why a traditional male led relationship that changes to female led all of a sudden becomes a sexual domination thing. It just does not make sense to me.
Author: Guest 2013-11-09 16:51:40    [reply]

 

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