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Discussing Issues in Female Led Relationships

The topic of "Learning to follow her lead - Issues in female led relationships" is covered from the viewpoint of the Author of this website, what Experts say about "Learning to follow her lead - Issues in female led relationships" and how our users feel about the subject. You can participate freely. We invite expert opinion via email. We value all kinds of information such as: research, anecdotal information and perspective.

Discussion Home > Growing as a FLR man > Learning to follow her lead

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I always wondered what goes through a man's mind when he is following a woman's lead, especially when he is independent in the business world. Tell me guys, what are you thinking about when following a woman's lead?
Author: Ann 2011-03-02 12:07:24    [reply]
Ann As the owner of a successful business I don't find it humiliating to follow a woman's lead. My wife doesn't work and I am the sole breadwinner in the house, however she is very definitely the head of the household and we are actively trying to move towards a level 3 FLR. There is a lot of stress involved in running a company and it is liberating to cede the responsibility for making decisions when I am at home. My wife is far better at me at understanding all the things that need to be done in order to ensure the smooth running of the house and is far better at prioritising and organising than me, particularly where the children are concerned. I am sure that left to me I would become lazy. Having my wife telling me what needs doing gives me a structure and discipline that means that as a couple we are far more productive. There are times when in the past where would would have argued over stupid details or an approach. Nowadays I follow her lead and experience tells me that the outcome is almost always good and I have learnt to trust her decisions. I still have input but the final decision is hers. Sexually having a woman dominate you and having to ask permission to orgasm is something that I find highly arousing. It has bought a level of intimacy and fire back to our relationship. After a few days of denial just her touch can be electric. So in a sexual sense I am definitely far happier. In a wider social and in the workplace I see that men are going to have to used to having female bosses and I would encourage all men to see this as a positive. The women coming up through the ranks of my firm are in the main outperforming their male counterparts and will go on to become the company directors of tomorrow
Reply by: Firemansam 2012-01-08 07:18:05    
Ann I'm a leader in my external world. When I follow my wife's lead, as best as I can describe it I believe I have two main feelings, and two main thought streams. The feelings in my heart: 1. I want her to be happy and fulfilled. This is truly selfless. 2. I get personal pleasure from the sensation of surrendering my lead to her lead. This almost feels selfish. The thoughts in my head: 1. When her lead is different to what I would have done and is clearly better, I am happy to recognise that she is a better leader than me on that issue. 2. When her lead is different to mine and doesn't appear to me to be better, I am still happy to recognise that she has a different way of looking at things, and that it is right for me to accept and value that just as it is. I do give advice but I don't mind if she chooses differnently. Sometimes her decision is that she wants me to decide it, she doesn't want the headache or the responsibility. As far as I am concerned that's her prerogative too. But she delegates that to me, I don't seize it from her.
Reply by: Karim56 2012-08-23 16:03:18    

What our users say

A wiseman once told me that EVERYONE has something worth listening too and when you listen enough you will get smarter. We value the ideas and opinions of our readers on the topic of "Learning to follow her lead - Issues in female led relationships. "True genius resides in the capacity for evaluation of uncertain, hazardous, and conflicting information." Winston Churchill (British Orator, Author and Prime Minister during World War II. 1874-1965)

The hardest thing for me is surrendering which means trusting in her above myself to make decisions. Not that sweet kind of surrender as in romance but that kind where I stop second guessing and start supporting, helping, appreciating. Do I need to get to the point where I believe she is a better leader and I am better at following? I long for surrender.
Author: Guest 2011-03-04 09:24:57    [reply]
Guest As a man, I will always have in the back of my mind a doubt as to whether a woman's decision is the right one. In these instances, I must have to admit my own fallibility, and I have to admit that I don't know it all.
Reply by: Maroons1p[spammer] 2016-10-05 13:35:42    [reply]
My wife tends to lead me more indirectly these days. The other day I was heated about something and I think that my tone was louder than she would have liked, although she never said anything. She passed by me and gave me a quick gentle squeeze on the butt (which is not really like her). My son was in the room and did not notice but it sure caught me off gard and consequently calmed my tone down immediately. Wow, it is the little thing that she does that just reaffirms that she (and FLR) is exactly what I need.
Author: Troy44 2011-04-27 13:20:08    [reply]
When my wife gets in the mood to lead, which is no where near as often as I'd like, but when she is I think about how can I keep this going? I do my best to please her desire at the moment, which is usually an immediate sexual need, but once that is fulfilled I know too well she will soon drift from the mood.
Author: Boynton 2011-05-03 22:07:03    [reply]
My wife is very decisive in many areas, yet in some areas, for instance scheduling leisure time to make sure we see the people and have the experiences we want to, she is as indecisive or lacking in follow through as I am, meaning we miss concerts or dinners or short trips we could have enjoyed. Deferring to her in this area does not serve her or me. I think I will serve her better if I take more initiative to pin down dates and book tickets. At least then she will have many of the experiences we just talk about now. I suspect that when she sees that I am taking the lead in this area, she will take it back.
Author: Choreboy 2011-06-08 13:06:00    [reply]
Choreboy Good for you but talk about it first. Don't assume she wants your help, ask her if she does. It is like asking permission. Taking away leadership makes her take a step backwards, even when she could be growing forward. Perhaps a good start would be to ask is there is anything you can do to support her in those decisions? Can you make her life easier or better?
Reply by: Ann1000Days 2013-01-31 09:56:17    [reply]
I have to admit here that when she does lead, I have some real feelings of resentment if it comes in an area where I have a conflicting desire. I think that part of this stems from the lack of a formal relationship agreement. If we had more well defined domains of control, it would go a long way toward keeping an even keel.
Author: Chris68 2011-08-22 03:47:06    [reply]
i [I] like it because S [s]he is happiest in that moment. - edited by staff (female, she, her and wife and not capitalized except at the beginning of a sentence, i for men is not lower case)
Author: Dennis 2011-08-24 20:42:05    [reply]
It is very hard for me to accept direction from her if it doesn't align with my inclinations already. I have a tendency to resent it and push back angrily. I am hoping to examine the pieces of this with her so we can work out how it happens and what we can to to correct it.
Author: Chris68 2011-08-24 23:12:43    [reply]
It depends on the situation/my mood, but for the majority of the time, what goes through my mind is a sense of pride that I have and am making her happy and gained her trust, to allow me to follow her lead. A sense of pride because I am following a competent woman, even though I am capable of leading others. I haven't and will not follow those less capable.
Author: Asimtold2 2015-12-26 14:36:44    [reply]
This is a hard area for me. Some of the things she does, and makes me now do, make little of no sence to me and it drives me crazy. I don't mind having to do them but to also do them "her way" when it is not logical and in my opinion add steps boy is it hard. Thinking positve images of her and repeating postive montras is many times not enought. Is any one succeful here and what is you take?
Author: Gat1207 2011-11-03 14:35:00    [reply]
Gat1207 Women is their some thing that you can tell me to help me in this reguard? tryinggat1207
Reply by: Gat1207 2011-11-03 14:36:35    [reply]
Gat1207 You take all the joy out of doing something when you make it complicated - do it for love, because it makes her happy and empowers your wife. Try thinking about her happiness when you do it instead of logic.
Reply by: Sue 2011-11-09 06:14:21    
Gat1207 so simply stated Sue...Thank you gat1207
Reply by: Gat1207 2011-11-10 14:03:42    
Gat1207 don't be discouraged Gat, people are not perfect - just be yourself
Reply by: Ann1000Days 2011-11-10 18:43:06    
Me and my fiance just recently got engaged and one of the first things she said to me after I asked her to marry me was if I was ready for her to be the boss. I replied with an eager yes. I will do well with following her lead for a little bit but for some reason I fall back into social norm of a 50/50 relationship. Anyone have any suggestions on how to keep my obedience going? Thanks.
Author: Jhookem6 2015-07-30 05:16:47    [reply]

 

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