The minimum level of service I would accept

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The minimum level of service I would accept

Discussing Issues in Female Led Relationships

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It seems like men have a minimum bar - the level of things they want to get into a female led relationship. The bar must be different and likely requires certain elements to satisfy. We know this because men often want to trade FLR fulfillment for female control. What is your minimum bar?
Author: SusanM88 2011-06-23 16:04:47    [reply]
SusanM88 for me it is her taking full control. yes there is a fantasy in it but it is also a way of bring and doing things that I enjoy.
Reply by: Guest 2011-06-27 15:33:39    
SusanM88 Internally, my `minimum bar` is knowing that I`m doing the best I can to help her be everything she wants to be. On the practical level, my minimum bar is periodic, helpful feedback about how she feels and how she`s doing, and where I`m succeeding or failing in enabling her success (in our relationship and in the broader world). - edited by staff [reason: 10 points awarded for this thought "is knowing that I`m doing the best I can to help her be everything she wants to be", every woman leader wants that]
Reply by: Mr.Bill 2013-02-23 01:32:38    
SusanM88 I may not understand your question. I am not sure that I know how to answer at a "minimum". I serve all the time. Even if it is little things like taking the trash out without being asked. I think that I have limits or a maximum though. I don't want to jeopardize my marriage or bring anything into it the might damage my relationship. I do wish sometimes that my wife would exert her wishes more or be more demanding. I love to server her. Any acknowledgement that I get from her that reinforces her control is bonus. The more frequent the better.
Reply by: Troy44 2011-12-14 13:14:28    
SusanM88 My FL has been lowering my bar the longer we are together. I find myself working to fulfill her needs more and more and I seem to be getting nothing that I want in return. Funny how that works. Serving a strong woman is rewarding in its self!
Reply by: Stevie 2012-02-04 11:44:23    
SusanM88 Interesting topic. M'Lady and I have never discussed FLR, yet I always open doors, treat her like a queen, cook for her, and follow-up with a myriad of tasks. I ask for nothing, yet the more I do for her, she seems compelled to reciprocate. And as I see her being so kind, I feel the need to do so in turn to a greater extent. She suggests actions, and I am more than willing to 'take on' all suggestions just to see that gleam in her eyes. Often a pat on the behind, a finger sliding into places I don't expect, and I am at attention. I guess I have to say, if we throw ourselves into a FLR lifestyle, if our partner 'cares', we do receive all we desire 'in spades'.
Reply by: GntlmnAtUrSrvce 2012-04-03 19:49:00    
SusanM88 A man must serve at a level the woman is happy with. But, I am most happy when she has total control. The vulnerability and opening up to her will is exciting to me. And I love to follow her commands as if they were law.
Reply by: Padawan 2012-05-27 11:57:18    
SusanM88 I think total control is an illusion, a game in the minds of men. The truth is it is not total control but rather total surrender. Women just get to do what we are comfortable with.
Reply by: SusanM88 2012-06-13 23:21:19    
SusanM88 I agree that surrender is a better definition than control. Since the man is giving contol to the woman instead of her taking it by force.
Reply by: Padawan 2012-06-24 10:02:27    
SusanM88 I think my minimum bar is now trying to free her time by attempting do all the housework and cooking effectively. I feel if I can give her all that spare time from 'menial' tasks then it would give me a feeling of pride in helping her in a way that she doesn't have to worry about these things. If I know that she can use her time more productively or to relax from a days work then I have contributed. To make her happy is important.
Reply by: Darren7 2013-05-06 18:05:55    
SusanM88 Absolute minimum is me treating her as a Lady, and her feeling as one. I always hold the door open, pull her chair out, walk on the streetside when we're together, and sit with my back to the door when in a restaurant; in general, treat her as a queen. When in private, put her to bed with kisses to her skin, and surprise her with rose petals on the pillow, bubble bath if she likes. In all, I gain great joy in being the cause for her every smile and joy.
Reply by: GntlmnAtUrSrvce 2014-12-18 21:04:31    
SusanM88 Whatever the Ladies minimum bar is, i should strive to exceed it
Reply by: Jeffrey1966 2016-10-16 11:53:46    

What our users say

A wiseman once told me that EVERYONE has something worth listening too and when you listen enough you will get smarter. We value the ideas and opinions of our readers on the topic of "The minimum level of service I would accept - issues in flr - aboutflr.com. "True genius resides in the capacity for evaluation of uncertain, hazardous, and conflicting information." Winston Churchill (British Orator, Author and Prime Minister during World War II. 1874-1965)

I find that I, personally, seem to respond better to a more demanding, controlling female that utilizes discipline. It is NOT a fantasy/fetish, as I never enjoy it nor have achieved arousal, when it has occurred. I guess that it is because I have been the one to lead the majority of my relationships. The longer that I am with the individual, the less it is needed.
Author: Asimtold2 2015-12-26 14:28:18    [reply]
Our FLR is new and I hope that it will develop further. Hence, I do not have a 'minimum'. I wish my wife to want to have full control over me. I need to serve her and have her make demands of me with my performance expected and her reinforcement of her control. As with Troy44 on this, I do not wish to endanger my marriage, and am seeking to refocus myself on her needs.
Author: William 2011-12-15 03:51:44    [reply]
William You said: "I need to serve her and have her make demands of me with my performance expected and her reinforcement of her control." I would reexamine this - there is no need in the human experience called the need to serve. Nor is there a need to have someone make demands on you. This is commonly called obsessive behavior.
Reply by: Guest 2011-12-16 13:13:07    [reply]
William: Your wish and your concern is both the wish and concern of many. I am not sure if you have, however may I suggest MAG herein. Through MAG I have learned about focus and re-focus. This has helped me with expectations which in turn has helped reduce my anxiety, which only increases my abilities and happniess. It is a great program! gat1207
Author: Gat1207 2011-12-15 09:58:56    [reply]
Living together with a dominant woman it is clear that after a certain time the rule gets harder and stricter. Women get obviously easily used being a mistress:) I would say it is only up to the lady how far she wants to go. - edited by staff [reason: This is clearly FemDom M/S gibberish. This site is about relationships]
Author: Frederik 2012-02-23 01:14:42    [reply]
Watch his words - it seems to me that men who use words like 'totally', 'completely', and 'absolutely' and even 'are' as in 'there are no alternative', 'women are superior' are suspect of showing any logic, and in my mind, these men create an air of being suspect at being poor followers. I call those men 'totalitarians' because they think in absolutes instead of getting the art of FLR they seek a formula. They like idea like formulas "if I do this, then she does that" which is just not fluid and allows no art or spontaneity. Okay, I get that sometimes I like to command and expect obedience but mostly I expect intelligent and respectful discourse. Men who have an obsession are such nerds when it comes to understanding women. Women should tell their men to 'take a deep breath' and think about it before using that kind of language. Use good and not great, use loving and not controlling, use leader and not mistress. Even when the goal is something like level 4, you both are people in the end - right? I like the intelligent man who likes to see things from my perspective.
Author: Ann1000Days 2012-07-16 18:14:50    [reply]
What is my minimum bar? It's a good question. I guess that it includes my wife being willing to accept my service. But the level of that service depends on my having an accurate understanding of what she wants and respecting that. So I guess my minimum bar is the same as hers, and will rise (or not)as and when our relationship develops. Perhaps this is Susan88's point about it not being total control but total surrender, with my wife just doing what she is comfortable with. And Ann1000Days goes further and rightly queries whether anything can be total in any human relationship, including flr. Perhaps another way of putting it is that my wife accepts that I love and adore her. Without that I don't get to the starting liine. Beyond that, how my loving service gets expressed in practice depends on what she is comfortable with, and me accepting that in turn and not trying to push the boundaries. The key words here seem to be surrender (mine) and acceptance (hers of my surrender, and mine of what she wants.) Other key words could be enjoyment, relaxation (don't try too hard) and sense of proportion and a sense of fun. Oh and respect and esteem for each other as who we really are. Tolerance, confidence. The list goes on. Humans are complicated.
Author: Karim56 2012-07-30 08:13:32    [reply]
my minimum bar would be where my wife is watching what I do and is there to correct me and to teach me how to help at home. I want the assurance that she is really interested in how I do a chore and that she is aware of when I am just skating and when I am actually trying to do the job right. I also want to know how to please her. She has always been so silent on that subject. I really do want sex to be something we both receive pleasure and intimacy from
Author: MEMBER1946 2013-01-03 15:22:13    [reply]
I do things for my wife because I like and love her and I know that she appreciates it. In a two person relationship one has to cede control of any life aspect to the other. It then becomes the new standard for the relationship.There is no set minimum, she has control of most of the 5 Food Groups, e.g. she determines how we use our free time and we usually do things together because we like to be together.
Author: Motleyfoool 2014-01-03 09:08:22    [reply]
Motleyfoool sounds like a model for other men. I find most women want a more "natural" relationship with has love and benefits for all.
Reply by: Guest 2014-01-03 13:09:35    [reply]

 

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