Discussing Issues in Female Led Relationships
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Everyone is looking, to some degree or another, and in some form, to have a feeling of love, acceptance and inner-peace. Yeah, much FLR talks about the kink, but why does anyone do any of this? To feel loved, and when we feel loved, we feel at peace. Everyone has their own specific ways of feeling loved. Some of the ways I feel loved are being fed, having him throw me down and ravage me, and for my man to listen to me and taking my advice. For my man, it's about my willingness to let him serve me and please me in ALL the ways he can. It never stops. If I'm not in the mood for him to serve me, he gets very pouty. His peace revolves around my receiving HIM!
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I am aware of several triggers for surrender. It is a statement of acceptance of your control where he feels like he is being lowered. There is also a sense that you are more powerful than he and he is submitting to force. What is your experience? Of course it is a position not a reality.
Jewel, I totally agree! My partner LIKES surrendering to me. It takes the guesswork out of it for him. He has told me that he likes when I dominate him because he doesn't have to wonder or worry about whether or not he's pleased me. I'm telling him what I want and so I'm pleased. This gives him a great deal of happiness and peace about it.
Guest sometimes I am not really sure what I want to if I set him on the right path and experiment I can figure it out
Ann Thanks for the thoughts. I am always looking for new ways to enjoy this. The effort he puts into it is great.
All the men I have dominated love being controlled in the bedroom. Surrendering to a woman gives her great power too! However, she must love being the one in control.
For me there is a element of control but I find the feeling of Power more stimulating, his having none and my having all. Especially when he is helpless and volunteered to get that way because he loves me. He knows I get off on it and he shows his love at that time by being helpless. The trust he is showing bring a tear to my eye. Sexual surrender makes me wet!
A quote from the home page of this website "One of the downsides to a male's willingness to submit is often tied to men getting gratification from their kinks. There is evidence that men often settle for what they can get then press for more which ultimately puts a strain in the relationship. Men who desire FLR are most likely embarrassed, shy, shamed and pensive about discussing the subject. They are hesitant about any full disclosure because of rejection, reticule and humiliation" - this is why coaching men - helping them with surrender is important. It takes them outside their commitment to tradition and into their commitment to their partner.
Randell When I first met some people with the same interests that I had, I started a business called V.L. Enterprises. These were custom letters from Victoria. One of my friends told me that I might learn more about male fantasies than I ever wanted to know. I learned a lot. I had originally been the submissive one. As time went on, I found that the dom was a very interesting place to be. I discovered when a man knew that I switched, he began to press for his fantasy. I also learned that I couldn't switch back and forth in a few minutes time. If I was in the Victoria mindset, I didn't have a submissive bone in my body. The men who sent requests for my letters, writing their fantasies in letter and story form, had very definite ways they wanted things done. Some wanted certain clothing... some certain tools of discipline, etc. I had lots or repeat customers and the fantasy never changed. I could add a bit of creativity to it, but to satisfy my reader, I had to stay with the script. After a few custom letters, they began to actually write about their dreams. I could see the shame and embarrassment as well as the surprise that they were writing these dark thoughts to a woman. If a man isn't ready to share his fantasies which I would call a step of submission, he really isn't ready to surrender.
There is some evidence that men not climaxing for at least 7 and at most 12 days have filled their body with the sex hormone testosterone. Surveys report that men seem to be more attentive, driven to please and otherwise interested in attracting their woman at that time where as after he has climaxed and drained his sex hormone level he "turns away" - It all boils down to a personal health choice. This may be a good way to assist surrender?
Just being of a man, our sex has inherited a ego. To become a better person we must learn to surrender ourselves to the woman we love. By doing so we can see past ourselves, and see the true meaning of life. Ask your spouse to help you rid the word "I" from your vocabulary. This will show quickly how self centered you are. When you begin to use the word we instead, you are on your way to truly giving yourself to her. You will begin to see that "I" is no longer important as we.
Guest a pleasent thought
Guest "Ask your spouse to help you rid the word "I" from your vocabulary. This will show quickly how self centered you are. When you begin to use the word we instead, you are on your way to truly giving yourself to her." such a beautiful quote. for everyone really.
The question of why men want to surrender to a woman? shouldnâ€™t be a question at all. If you are a man who wants to surrender to a woman, to be her obedient servant, then the question should be why wouldnâ€™t a woman except his surrender? I agree with what the other gentleman said about inheriting his ego. If he is confident in who he is as a man, he has come to an understanding what was inborn to him. He then needs to go to the next level, if he wants to become a better person. A woman will need to accept this gift with out guilt. She too has inherited something, itâ€™s called caring and nurturing. Until she can put that aside for her self, she can not enjoy his surrender. Donâ€™t get my wrong, both persons in the relationship stay loving to each other; itâ€™s just that they both need to learn from each other. A woman may dominate her man and do it lovingly. If he truly isnâ€™t acting out some kind of fantasy, his surrender will help her become more confident as a woman, as he becomes more caring of a man. Ladies if he is in some fantasy and does not understand why he is feeling he needs to surrender, then train him one step at a time. Over the years of one stepping him, he will be under your heel and both of you will have grown.
Itâ€™s funny that you talk about the womanâ€™s guilt. I had a hard time being at the receiving end all the time. I finally learned how to over come that by his repeated request to tease and deny his orgasm. Once I learned to put my guilt aside and let him lay awake restless to his own needs, he became really attentive on how I wanted him to serve my needs. Then outside the bedroom I learned how to present myself with a better sense of confidence and manage my life in a different style. After accepting my husbands surrender seriously and at the same time having more fun then you can imagine, I have gotten a promotion at work and my grown kids have stopped taken advantage of me. My husband does what I tell him because, he knows the more he does, the more time we have to play. I never have seen him so happy. He is more entertaining in public as well Rin bed. Amazing.......
The psychology of surrender is simple. You give up everything. To me, rolling over and dying is easier. It's not that I don't want a FLR, it's about being treated humanely.
I read a couple of posts about the feelings men get when they are naked and the woman is clothed especially when she is dressed to impress (such as: for work, business or to go out, normal clothes), I think this goes even deeper in chastity for men. Pear calls this `the shrinking feeling` and it does have a profound impact on a man doubly so when there are 2 naked men or 2 clothed women. I wanted to bring this up because men crave it and as other things go it is so benign for women - perhaps the perfect psychological element for expressing a change in business.
SusanM88 The feeling of vulnerability is intensely rewarding. To know that you can be so degraded and 'stripped' and still be wanted by your partner concretes your dedication to them. The biggest rewards come when their is doubt in the male's mind. The more trust and dedication the male puts into this vulnerability the bigger the reward.
In my experience surrender is the most difficult part of FLR. I am a strong man with responsability as principal in my business life. But when my wife and me have decided to introduce FLR in our relationship, there by no doubt it was necessary to give up my former life and to submit totaly under her dominance and control. So I had to die and to be reconstructed in that form my wife has previewed. Now I am very vulnerable because no personal identity remained, my social life, my values, my behaviour, everything is delayed. You can compare it with the painful but happy (second) birth I have experienced in my complete consciousness. My existence depends only on her love and pleasure. I never would have survived the reconstruction without her love to me. For that my surrender gave an important energy to our relationship we never had seen before. I adore my wife, even if I couldn't rescue anything of my former life, and I have to learn so much, have to be controlled, punished and reset to obedience and submissiveness.