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There is lots of lore about male chastity, some say is brings back courtship full time, others say it makes men angry. Couples try it, men do it on their own, women in FLR say they sometimes require it. Why are you experimenting with male chastity? - men or women reply.
Author: Ann 2011-08-03 14:25:21    [reply]
hello Ann, I am experimenting it so see if I can be obeying when the 'need to sex' is very high and the testosteron level is very high...I am training myself to become obeying towards woman like that 'under some pressure'
Reply by: Alexander 2012-02-18 04:48:58    
Hello Ann, I was not aware that Chastity was a requirement by some FLR women. I think it should be. I do know from my own experience and from hearing about it from other men, that Chastity keeps us focused on serving and that right after we have been allowed to climax we guys tend to have less desire to be obedient or to serve.
Reply by: Cosearcher 2012-03-01 01:00:11    
Ann Back 4 years ago when I first learned about it, I decided to do a test, and in one simple week my entire perspective on my entire relationship changed completely. Men have no idea how much masturbation is robbing from the wonderful, rich romance they could be having with their wives. I've been in and out of chastity just a few times, with my sojourns out of it very short-lived because we both realized how quickly I returned to my old ways. It's now a life-long journey for me. There's just something in a man's brain that fundamentally changes when his gratification has been taken off the table, and he's forced to engage his partner on all other levels.
Reply by: AlwaysLearning 2012-06-02 18:09:50    
Ann For us it's mostly about courtship and increasing my focus on my wife. She enjoys the increased attention she gets and so do I. If I get too needy she releases me. There's also something about increased control (hers) and vulnerability (mine). Also about her ownership of my bits. All this is without a device, although we have one and have used it occasionally in play. I would be interested in more, but I don't think she is. I can see why and respect that. But we're thinking of making it a feature of my regular business trips, where it's more likely to play to my fantasy while offering her the benefits of knowing I have a constant physical reminder of her control without the hassle for her of my wearing it when I am around her.
Reply by: Karim56 2012-07-28 17:53:56    
I wonder if I/ we (my wife and I) are fairly unique in this aspect, but we are intimate every night, and she wants us to be at least that often. We did experiment with a 6 day period of chastity, but she wants intercourse more often, and doesn't want to try to ever desexualize intercourse. Although one huge difference from pre to post chastity is that on the nights where we don't have time to be intimate instead of me servicing myself at night or some time the next day, I have to wait for our next opportunity to be intimate together. This has amazing effects on me and our relationship despite the fact that the chastity typically does not exceed 2 days. I am so much more focused on her and in ensuring there is time for intimacy each evening, in fact we are more intimate more often than ever before. Arguing has completely (almost) ceased in our house. I feel like I am closer to her than I have ever been, and I am enjoying watching her become more confident in telling me to do things instead of asking, as much as she is enjoying watching me accept her direction without hesitation and just get things done. I am the most productive I have ever been at home and work, and I am for the first time in our marriage completely sexually satisfied. I have no desire to look at porn and am not allowed to ever touch myself without permission, and she asks every night which to me comes off as “I love you, you belong to me”, which is the best thing I can ever hear from my wife. Being able to open up completely and allow myself to let her take the lead and be dominant sexually is the most liberating and therapeutic experience of my life. I no longer masturbate or look at porn, because I have no desire to. All sexual energy is focused on my wife, and I have such a thrilling dependency on her for release, it really greases the axels in all areas of the relationship. The really amazing thing, for me, is that despite all of this, and me moving to a more and more submissive role sexually and domestically, we are still able to talk just like we always did, we are still able to have intelligent conversations as me and her, we joke, we enjoy eachother, we don't have to play roles or be un-natural. I think we are better friends than we have ever been and we haven't had to change, what I see, as our core personalities. If anything we are more who we are than ever, as if we removed the tarnish from the silver and our real selves are shining through. I am an odd duality, or maybe not so odd. Very type A assertive guy in business and sports and dealings with others, but have always desired submission to the woman I am in a relationship with, but had to cover that up because I didn’t believe it was what women desired of me. I don't feel that through handing over control to my wife, that I've been changed into a "sub" or "slave". I am still assertive as ever to everyone except her. In fact I am fiercely protective of her now, and much more assertive to the kids (especially when they give her lip). I was at first very worried that I would eventually change into a submissive in general, by allowing myself to go deeper into a FLR, and I never wanted that, it downright scares me reading the stuff in level 4 relationships and cuckolding etc., makes me physically ill to think of the (allowed) cheating. But the more I'm doing this I realize it is up to you and your wife (ok mostly the wife (ok just the wife)) to decide upon which traits will be kept and which weeded out by the experience, and you don't have to become submissive in general. We really prefer the term "obedient" and if anything I feel the manliest and most productive I've ever felt. I guess I define manly different than most, I've always thought a bit out of the societal norm. To me “manly” is more being able to sacrifice for others, work hard, be a strong protector of the family and provide whatever is needed to those you love. Servitude to my wife doesn't preclude any of these traits. It is never through physical strength that a woman rules her man anyway, so why should a man reduce his physical strength, protectiveness or assertiveness outside the home on account of his complete obedience to his wife inside it? It is very Arthurian for the man to maintain his outward strength while giving up control within the home. What I have found from my experience is this: Freedom to be sexually expressive and intimate with my wife in ways I’ve always wanted free from shame. Freedom from the distracting impulses that make men unfocused on their families and household work, freedom to be productive and get homelife ordered the way I’ve always wanted it. Freedom from being blamed for things by my wife, I have a schedule of things to do when I get home, I do them right and fast. If she needs me to do other stuff she tells me, and if something isn’t done, it’s because she didn’t assign it, not because I managed my time badly, because she manages my time. Freedom from porn and masturbation, and the unrealistic longing they create. Freedom to be completely and fully in love, in lust and infatuated with my wife every day. And the clarity to see what an amazing woman she is, and to finally realize I have had the woman of my dreams laying next to me in bed all these years. And lastly, this might be crazy to some and not a typically mentioned benefit, freedom to get in the best shape of my life. The arousal and energy of being in chastity has given my metabolism a huge boost, and focus on fulfilling and earning opportunity for sexual desire has given me the ability to clean my diet to perfection with very little temptation to eat bad food, and I have more energy for workouts than I have for 10 years. I dropped 5.9 pounds in the first 8 days of chastity, and it seems to just keep falling off. Well that’s all, this is the first time I’ve shared my experience with anyone , nice to be able to share publicly and anonymously. I hope you enjoy the read and it’s not too longwinded. Thanks for the opportunity to share. HerMan
Reply by: HerMan51 2013-06-07 18:22:43    
Ann Even a young man, I have always put my partner's pleasure above my own. My greatest pleasure is in the journey (pursuit, courtship, romance, making out, foreplay), not necessarily the destination (orgasm). As many men here will attest, submitting sexually to a strong woman who will take full control of their sex life and who will enforce a good degree of chastity/orgasm control, tease and denial, etc, does cause the man to become more submissive and to revert to courtship behaviours. The only woman that I fantasise about having sex with is my own wife! How cool is that?!
Reply by: Gaias.Pet 2015-10-16 17:03:31    

What our users say

A wiseman once told me that EVERYONE has something worth listening too and when you listen enough you will get smarter. We value the ideas and opinions of our readers on the topic of "Why experiment with male chastity? - Issues in female led relationships. "True genius resides in the capacity for evaluation of uncertain, hazardous, and conflicting information." Winston Churchill (British Orator, Author and Prime Minister during World War II. 1874-1965)

It allows to focus on the woman partner better, and it makes love making deeper and more meaningful
Author: Servant_tony111 2011-08-04 02:25:52    [reply]
We've been practicing male chastity for the last year. Periods without orgasms can go from 7 to as much as 21 days. I never know and when the next one will be. My wife decides when and where and I'm not aloud to talk about it. It does shift my attention from "how to get my next orgasm" to how can I serve my wife better. Same thing during love making, all the attention is on my wife's orgasm. I have to say that the longer the period between orgasms the easier it is for me to live by all the rules and makes me a better husband.
Author: Molardoc 2011-08-04 10:01:00    [reply]
Molardoc How do you deal with the first 2 or 3 days after you have been allowed a release. My wife and I have been experimenting with Chastity on and off for about a year and a half. Following a release I often find myself feeling less in the zone and it takes a few days to get my mind straight and focused on serving her again. Normally it can take up to seven days before I am completely back on track. This is not to say that I am disobedient or disrespectful towards her over the first few days, but it would be nice if I could get that warm feeling of being absolutely desperate to please her back faster. Any tips?
Reply by: Firemansam 2012-01-01 13:55:39    [reply]
Firemansam Just being back in lock-up seems to make an attitude adjustment of it's own - does it not?
Reply by: Guest 2012-01-19 19:28:03    
Firemansam There is no one single right or wrong answer here, because to some extent it depends on where you find your balance as a couple. But, in my opinion, you probably need to go longer between releases. Have you tried something like monthly, or perhaps even quarterly? Then there is always the prostate massage option, and completely forego a normal release except for very special situations. An Aneros can be used in such a way as to flush the plumbing, but still leave you wanting. Talk to your doctor about prostate health of course. But the bottom line is you aren't waiting long enough in between. If you were, one little release would just be enough to whet your appetite! :)
Reply by: AlwaysLearning 2012-06-02 18:37:12    
What I like the most about it is the intense focus on my wife's pleasure. Especially when I am locked and it is understood that I will not be unlocked. While in the past, I cared a lot that she was satisfied, now the "main event" of our play is her orgasm. If I climax, it's sort of an afterthought. It sounds weird to say this, but thinking about my own needs and wanting to orgasm myself got in the way of me really pleasuring my wife.
Author: Lovetosubmit 2011-08-20 09:07:14    [reply]
There is absolutely a shift in attitude for me during periods of chastity. I cannot presume this would be the same for everyone or couple, but for me it is there. When in chastity, my head is much more in the relationship, as defined by working toward common goals, more sensitivity to how she is feeling coupled with a desire to do better by her. It sounds cliche, but for me it is very real.
Author: Chris68 2011-08-22 04:15:17    [reply]
my new Owner leader says that she's going to "lock me up" soon. I'm nervous about it. But she says it's the logical step in my becoming the prefect slave servant. She says that once I'm in m/c I'll focus solely on pleasing her. But does wearing a device cause pain. When I ask her she just smiles. Help. -- edited by staff (hey guys this is not a femdom site - we are real people in relationships)
Author: Kjb2012 2011-09-17 12:41:59    [reply]
Kjb2012 If you give up control, I would think you are willing to endure pain or frustration or anything else that befalls you - that is what surrender means. Consensual slavery also means you give up the right to choose. The idea of being "locked up" is sexy to many men and some women. However Randell was right to edit your post a little as we are about female led relationships and you are pursuing or pretending to pursue something beyond our scope of interest. I suggest you get behind your mate and support her in her decisions and work out the issues as they come up.
Reply by: Gwen 2011-09-17 14:30:18    [reply]
Hi! I am new here. We do practice male chastity in a natural way: I mean I do not ask and she gives me when she feels. Usually 1-2 times a month.
Author: Guest 2011-10-14 02:17:39    [reply]
We've used one for fun mostly, and my wife made it part of discipline for me on a few occasions which was fun and frustrating. But, never for long duration use. My wife leads and if she asked me to regularly wear a cage I would. I think her knowing she has that power is enough for her.
Author: Guest 2012-02-01 03:41:43    [reply]
Guest Is it enough for you?
Reply by: Gat1207 2012-02-01 13:58:10    [reply]
Gat1207 Not exactly sure of the question, but if I correctly understand you it is enough for me yes. She is a pretty strong leader and uses her power so we both have some enjoyment with the arrangement but also so I follow the rules. I'm reminded pretty often of the rules and the fact that they are there for me to follow. If she wanted me to wear one I would but since she has the power it is enough. If her goal is to boost my frustration higher than normal, she already knows how to do this without formal chastity coming into play. If she requested regular chastity for me, I'd go along.
Reply by: Guest 2012-02-01 17:03:33    
Gat1207 I briefly discussed this with my wife. The only time she thinks she'd mandate me wearing a chastity cage on a regular or permanent basis is if I was ever unfaithful. Then, it would be as a permanent control measure and she says it would not be fun. She knows I would never do anything of this nature, but when she says something I believe it.
Reply by: Guest 2012-02-01 17:57:15    
"My wife leads and if she asked me to regularly wear a cage I would." It sounds like you have arrived at a happy place in your relationship. Supporting your wife with your ability to comply with her needs. In this case wearing a chasity device when needed. It would seem you understand your wife's need to lead.
Reply by: Usaabn 2012-10-30 14:58:33    [reply]
Chastity in my leadership is important because I prefer to know he isn't diminishing his desire by masturbating. Rumor has it men think about sex every other second; if he is wearing a chastity device that means every other second he is thinking about me. Seems to me if I am going to carry the weight of leadership, I want my followers thinking about me and how they can assist me. I won't have to wonder if he is focused on the relationship, I will know he is and he will have something of a purpose to thinking about sex every other second. Right?
Author: Susieq 2012-05-15 16:14:29    [reply]
Susieq I agree completely. Good post. When I am in chastity my desires and bond only grow, never dimish until I am released from chastity. And the weight and feeling of a cage around my private definetly acts as a constant reminder that I am under someone else's control and have no control or will of my own.
Reply by: Padawan 2012-05-27 11:28:33    [reply]
I've just begun self-enforced chastity with a CB6000, about 28 hours so far. I have a real problem with masturbation and as I get older, I have found I cannot please Her even our one day a week. She is out of town on business the nest two days, so I'm getting used to the cage, tweaking it as I need. I'm scared of letting her know, She is so vanilla, but I must because I have decided already that I REALLY need to keep this thing on. It's wonderful! Touching the sheath and not actually feeling my penis is a delicious tension. Speaking to other guys in public knowing that I am now less of a man than they are, unnnh. I am certain I'll get used to this, but right now I feel so sensitive, so free of masculine crap. I should have done this years ago.
Author: Guest 2012-08-23 15:32:35    [reply]
The above was me. I`m signed in now and you should see my collar. - edited by staff [reason: fetish comments]
Reply by: TerriAnn`s 2012-08-23 16:07:27    [reply]
TerriAnn`s Thank you for correcting me.
Reply by: TerriAnn`s 2012-08-24 10:50:06    
TerriAnn`s Respectfully, I wouldn't agree that you are "less of a man" because you are wearing a chastity device. The "masculine crap" you are glad to be free of is not manliness, if we define manliness as a mature integration of one's male sexuality, however idiosyncratic. A "real man" might be dominant or submissive, but he knows what he's about and expresses it honestly and freely. A macho man is compensating for his own anxiety.
Reply by: Thomas_3 2013-08-20 04:04:04    
I find that when She [she] locks me away i [I] spend most of my idle time thinking of what would make her happy after a hard day at work. She is easy going, but I do not like to be at the wrong end of her paint stick.... - edited by staff [reason: this is fetish jargon, likely not a real life experience]
Author: Guest 2012-10-29 14:04:38    [reply]
When we were returning from a holiday three weeks ago, our discussion came to the subject of how long we had gone without orgasm and, specifically, how long I had gone with out masturbating to orgasm. When I said I had never gone more than a day, she requested that I try and remain chaste while we were apart (I live in a different city, currently, but am moving in with her in two weeks time now - 5 weeks from the beginning of this experiment.) I was very proud of myself and lasted a week, though it was very trying, it left me feeling powerfully attracted to her in a way I had not experience before. My leader allowed me release after a week as she was proud of me, but then requested I maintain chastity for two weeks. I said after another three days, and an 'accident,' that it would be hard for me, so we decided to try a chastity device which I purchased online and received five days ago. Yesterday I mailed her the keys (we agreed a few days was necessary in-case there were any problems with the device) and the feeling of surrendering that control was especially powerful for both of us. Since beginning my enforced chastity, I have never felt so good and am looking forward to properly living with my girlfriend in an FLR.
Author: Mikey_adore 2012-11-25 09:22:56    [reply]
sometimes i lock myself up , today is the 12th day without orgasm.. but to go further i need to lock me up.. i m married, not in love, wonna leave, looking and live flr in my fantasy on my own. my next project is to stop watching porn... am i sick? need education..lol
Author: Lolly511 2013-10-02 07:46:26    [reply]
Before we really embraced my submission and her leadership, we played with orgasm denial at my suggestion, because I found it highly erotic. Now it's our standard mode. (We don't use a device, and I don't cheat.) I am allowed an orgasm every week or two. What I get out of it: constant lust for her. What she gets out of it: my constant lust for her and sexual service. Since we began this in earnest she has far more orgasms than before. I don't think she particularly cares whether I ejaculate or not, in itself; it's the side-effects of my abstinence that bring her benefits. I guess she also enjoys the power it gives her over me.
Author: Thomas_3 2013-08-20 03:54:53    [reply]
After reading all of the above posts it is interesting to understand most men think they are losing something. I believe it is really a perspective change that needs to be understood. When I was married I would wait days to orgasm because I wanted to show off a larger ejaculation, kind of "look what I can do to make you happy" if we wait until you are ready. I did not think of loosing something but I paid more attention to my spouse as I could not wait until she was ready and wanted to do everything to please her so she wanted to couple sooner. The problem was she had no intention of taking control and I was asking her to do something she did not want to. The lesson: do the work up front before getting married. I excuse others as myself as young and unknowing the choices for the mistakes. These choices are listen to society or yourself. No one else will be in the bedroom with you two so don't let anyone else make the decision for you. If society says this XXX is the in position and a real man takes a woman this way, then the masses all listen and no one questions. I choose to listen to me and what makes me happy. My personal feeling is I like to let the woman have control in the relationship, as honestly I don't know much about taking care of a relationship. I hunt, protect and gather so to speak and am way better than most woman I will date can be at it, so I play to my strengths. As a powerful and effective leader, I know to lead one has to learn to follow first. I made the decision to engage in a type of relationship where if I give a woman the power to choose when we have sex and how, then I am making a powerful choice. I don't need societies approval, nor does it diminish the pleasure, no matter what others think. When seeking a new relationship I am going to make sure our sexual desires are compatible and she communicates in the same ways to express herself as I do, that she should control the relationship, I will be making the choice beforehand. If we want to do the same things in the bedroom then that is one more thing on a long list to tell if we are a match. If not we can discuss it and see if she is open to experiment or end the relationship and move on. A simple way to put it is this; some men like this XXX position best,good for them. I like chastity and giving her control of the relationship. I am no less of a man for making my own choice even if standing in a group of men knowing I am the only one wearing a chastity device because my wife and I want it this way. No one is right or wrong.
Author: Davesma 2014-04-14 11:17:09    [reply]
Davesma chastity is a strange thing because men also control women with it -- think about it -- chastity requires something of women and it takes away several things women enjoy - like spontaneous sex and regular romantic sex. There is nothing romantic about a chastity device that I can think of. It forces women into a position of catering to a man on a different level and in different ways - more like a needy child. So think about that when you design a chastity lifestyle. It can work but it needs to work for both of you.
Reply by: Ann1000Days 2014-04-24 22:17:21    [reply]
I don't think that it is the type of disipline (not the kink definition)which can be an effective adjunct. We use it as a tool for focus, at times as a physical reminder that your wife/partner has the leadership role and yes at times it can be used as punishment. It certainly has not reduced the frequency or spontanaity of our sex life. However I question the emotional & realtionship health of a guy who would desire long term orgasm denial,and that ot the woman as well.Yes we are both medical practinioners
Author: Ajfisher 2014-04-25 18:53:08    [reply]
Ajfisher I meant it IS the type of discipline which Can be a usefull adjunct. Sorry ai don't like typing on a phone
Reply by: Ajfisher 2014-04-25 19:45:01    [reply]
Oops, pressed the wrong button; so much for smart phones. We are not trained in counseling or mental health though. I don't think.that chastity need be romantic, nor should it force the woman into catering to anything. If the guy is acting like a needy child then a whole different type of education or training is needed for him to be an emotionally mature partner and adult. These are my thoughts and are in no way meant to offend anyone, AJ
Author: Ajfisher 2014-04-25 19:35:44    [reply]
Ajfisher the trouble with the thought AJ is you ignored and put off the thought of a woman in your answer - she has an argument that needs to be addressed. Men wanting chastity need women to do something for them so it DOES require something from women and next men in chastity cannot do spontaneous sex or any kind of sex that does not first start with her unlocking him unless she wants sex that does not require his penis. Right?
Reply by: Prickly Pear 2014-04-25 20:20:29    [reply]
Prickly Pear Well I had no intention of "ignoring and putting off". I am not certain what you are referring to by "her argument. As for requiring her to fo something, it would seem that would apply only if thid is something she does not want to participate in. Sort of like the food group. If I give up control to my wife it is because we mutally believe this to be best for strenghtening our relatkonship. As soon as either party believes they are being forced into a type of behavior, it can no longer represent a healthy life style choice
Reply by: Ajfisher 2014-04-26 08:17:20    
I didn't mean to shut the conversation down AJ
Author: Ajfisher 2014-05-12 18:37:08    [reply]
Im new to this group so here goes Firstly Im married believe in total life long comittment and so far so good. The thought of being kept for her is good. I realise that I need to put her first boy generally speaking and sexually speaking. I believe that masturbation is cheating her so leting her keep me locked would be good. Yes we have played with chastity but she is a bit ambivelent. Im not locked now but feel I ought to be. When I read up on chastity I worry that werdos are hiding behind computers and some stuff is sick I like my wife to rule because she love me. As an example all alcohol is kept under lock and key by her because she worries about me. On the weekend the outside fridge was padlocked by her so I cant get to the beer Lastnight she went to Bible study and home alone unable to access a padlocked fridge and wine rack. So here is my question, is chastity ok in marriage if it stops me from masturbating and focusing on her For her to rule me is to love me. Sorry if Im a bit long winded
Author: Steve4Jenny 2014-07-15 19:57:21    [reply]
Steve4Jenny ask your wife, her opinion is one that matters most.
Reply by: Prickly Pear 2014-07-16 13:32:48    [reply]
Prickly Pear My wife comes from a religeous background wheremen rule and women are quiet. Behind every great man is a steong woman
Reply by: Steve4Jenny 2014-07-18 07:42:10    
I am involved in taking a course offered by a young lady named Sierra Parker The name of the course is "restart intimacy,A unique approach to male chastity" The course really causes one to look deeply into one's self. I read the book, and then corresponded with Ms. Parker and she has taken me on as a student, The course is oriented to couples and single men. She has other courses that seem to correspond well with the FLR choice. I am finding many things about myself and how a woman should be treated and how a man should consider a woman. I really think it is doing good for me. The writer, MA. Sierra Parker is an experienced and well educated articulate life coach and consuler. Her course format is easily digested and redily applied to everyday life.
Author: Wannapleaser 2015-02-06 13:30:56    [reply]
One of the things I like about male chastity with my wife as the key holder is it creates new opportunities for intimate interaction. Two of the things I wanted from FLR were dependence and vulnerability and my wife owning the key is a platform for that. Twice a day she unlocks me to wash and she is the one who re-installs it. Sometimes it feels mechanical but often we share an intimate moment. I think what she likes best about it is the feeling like she has me without any competition. This is not emasculation, it is emancipation to be myself.
Author: Guest 2015-04-15 14:39:01    [reply]
I have yet to try it, but with my own personal shortcomings, having my partner take control of my urges, my more base instincts would prove enlightening. It would certainly seem that taking away my focus on one area would allow me to focus more on another, i.e. her needs. In fulfilling her needs, my needs would also be fulfilled. Does that make ANY sense?
Author: NETXFLRSeeker58 2015-04-23 21:07:11    [reply]
If you wear a comfortable device long term you will find that those urges ebb, you will look forward to being “let out” when she wants but also enjoy the satisfaction of “saving yourself” for her.
Author: Motleyfoool 2015-10-20 09:04:15    [reply]
I believe chastity would be something I would like to try but I would most definitely need a device. My wife I don't believe she would want me wearing a device and don't know how to get her to except this idea. She doesn't like me masturbating.
Author: Guest 2015-11-17 18:10:06    [reply]
Guest Maybe you should order on and gift it to her to put on you if she so chooses. It may take her a little bit to put it on, but it will be a deeper thought process for her. My husband bought one, gave to me, now we have a great collection of devices.
Reply by: Guest 2017-09-24 11:32:11    [reply]
I never understood this. In an adult relationship I would expect sex but talking about chastity means there isn't any. If one partner doesn't like or want sex then just admit it.
Author: Dave 2017-10-02 23:11:05    [reply]

 

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