Introductions "Where I went wrong"

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Introductions "Where I went wrong"

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Author: SeekingFLR17 2017-08-31 00:00:13   

Hello, lovely submissive gentlemen (and ladies, should any be here)! :)

My post relates to approaching and interacting with Dominas at this website. If this particular forum is not an acceptable location for My post please delete it, tell Me that it has been deleted and where I should post it instead. Thanks.

I sent the following reply to a member today who approached Me politely a few days ago then again today with at least a dozen questions and a request for "photos". (Arghhhhhh!!!)

"Hello, submissive ________.

I am not a model. Do NOT ask Dominas you are not involved in personal relationships with for photographs. you are the first person at this site in three-quarters of an entire year to ask Me for photos of Myself.

you are a neophyte L/lifestyle submissive and not interested in the level of surrender, submission or servitude I am seeking, therefore you are not a candidate for Me, yet you`ve asked Me all sorts of personal, in-depth questions as if I owe you something or you are a journalist, television programme or documentary film interviewer. Well, you are a screenwriter, as am I, however, you do not ask in abundance without offering something as well, if you are *decent* that is. This is all for you, entirely one-sided. Not submissive-like at all.

you must take it upon yourself to learn and prove yourself to authentic Dominas.

Yes, some sites have a nominal *investment* fee for males to become very engaged with authentic L/lifestyle Dominas, such as this and another FLR community site. It is done in order to assist Dominas and C/couples with the weeding out of fantasists and riff-raff -- which is well more than half of the men in membership at all sites relating to romantic and sexual relationships.

Do your own SOLO research before approaching Dominas. There are plenty books and articles written on the subjects of Consensual D/s, FLR, Gynarchy, Matriarchy and Intersectional Feminism.

Do NOT hustle Dominas!" - edited by staff [reason: removed comment to administrator]


Author: LadyMostStrict 2015-12-29 13:24:47   
Not looking earlier in my life for a woman who can lead me to eternity.
Author: Mario4Level3 2015-06-25 17:27:10   
I went wrong by believing that a woman who claims to want an FLR is, necessarily, even ready for a relationship, when in reality, she is thriving on her own liberation, and does not want to be 'tied down' to anyone. That produces what I'll call a 0LR ... and that's a zero, not an "O". Those of us who've been around for more than a couple of decades know that relationships require a commitment of resources ... not always measurable ones like time or money, but emotional availability. It would be interesting to know if the failure rate among FLRs is higher, lower, or neutral, compared to traditional relationships of similar duration.
Author: Mr.Bill 2013-03-04 22:55:38   
Mr.Bill Re-reading that message of a week ago... hmm, do you think I was reacting much? ;) The take-away question is, going forward, how does one 'vet' the F in a proposed FLR? We've all developed tactics for vetting a potential traditional partner - I propose that men need to do the same thing, with a theoretically-identified Female Leader. Until you know what's going on in her life - and that's never something you can assess in a few weeks - it would be wise to not take her interest in an FLR *too* seriously. (Trust me on this please, guys: as much as it hurts when a Traditional relationship fails - it hurts just as much when a Female-Led Relationship fails, perhaps even more.) And, by definition, since men aren't the leaders in this arena, we can't fully lean on our life-long-learned 'best practices' to protect ourselves or her. In some ways, we would do much better to look for women for advice** because, overall, they are more experienced with being the dump-ee... and with being the informal ear or counselor to others whose relationships are slipping. But that does mean locating other venues, since there are very few women in the Forums on this site.*** **Noting, of course, that asking women for advice is virtually ALWAYS a good idea, in any situation! ***P.S. This site or any other one. Guys, it behooves us to step up our game by a notch or two, and seek feedback from our female leader early and often, both verbally and in-writing/online, as appropriate.
Reply by: Mr.Bill 2013-03-11 19:28:15   
Reply to: Mr.Bill, Hello, submissive mr.bill, Of course, W/we must A/all be emotionally available and capable of mutually healthy, progressively evolving, loving, supportive life-partnership before even considering entering a FLR. I have nearly three decades of experience in various types of FLRs and life-P/partnerships and can promise you that there is far less failure in FLRs than that of traditional F/M Power-Struggle life-partnerships. :)
Reply by: LadyMostStrict 2015-12-29 13:35:51   
For my wife, she needed to learn that I was willing to follow through with her instructions. When she has asked me to do things, and I have not followed through, it undermines both her confidence in her leadership and in my ability to serve in a way that is beneficial to her.
Author: Kc1968 2012-08-10 12:22:46   
Where I went wrong was one evening very early in our relationship when we were at a big function where both her friends and mine were, at a time when I was not ready to make our relationship public. I was defensive and embarrassed. She was understandably furious. I almost lost everything because of my stupid behaviour. Now I am so proud to be seen with her wherever we go together.
Author: Karim56 2012-07-30 07:51:46   
Asking for her advice allows her to express herself to me . This action puts her in a teaching mode in order for me to learn.
Author: Paul55 2011-11-05 04:28:25   
“I put his question and now answer in two places. Sorry about that but it was kind of hidden in the MAG no porn group where I put it first. Even though I have answered myself I am still looking for input please: Not sure if this is the best place to put this question but, I am doing something wrong: My problem lies with my mother in law. No, not the typical mother in law stuff, I get along with her just fine. She brings other family’s (FML’s sister) crisis to our home, undermines my potential females leader’s confidence by making her nervous, feeling guilty and the whole package. Then, although I am in complete agreement (whatever you want… to may I suggest) with “whatever my potential female leader wants” (that subject is an individual assignment) she gets so distressed by the whole ordeal that any progress that I may have made is gone. Going backwards gat1207 Read between the lines. My potential female leader has just made a decision that is going to cost us a bunch of money. Now, we would have had to spend $$$ either way we went however due to family questioning and making my female led nervous and second guessing herself, plans got delayed and as you know delay equals cost. I don’t know how to help. “Stand by her side” and “being her cheerleader” is not getting the job done. When, if ever, do I just do what it takes to get the job done? Stumpedgat1207 Author: Gat1207 2011-04-06 10:24:22 Gat1207 In answer to my own question, I went back into the site for help, agreeing with her is not going to get me anywhere. I have to build her confidence. To build her confidence I have to vest her with responsibility. I have to ask her advice. I have to take her advice and show her that I believe that it is good advice. I have to seek her approval and be appreciative when she grants her approval. Mostly I have to appreciate her. I have to let her know that I cherish her and that I feel her decision are the best for our family. The lessons are paying off I just have to get this stuff in my head. Thanks gat1207 Reply by: Gat1207 2011-04-06 11:09:36
Author: Gat1207 2011-04-06 11:20:36   
Gat1207 It is not a matter of right and wrong Gat1207, decisions have consequences. A good way to make decisions is to get wise counsel, in the case of a women in the lead she would likely consult you and others that she trusts for advice. Sometimes that fails. Decisions right or wrong are past and we just live with the results and get better at making future decisions by growing from our mistakes and sharing our successes. You can fix some things and others you just can't. If she is growing as a leader of course she will make mistakes, how you handel them as a couple is to work through them openly where she is leading and you are supporting. She need not back off as leader, you don`t need to take the reigns every time there is a crisis. There may come a time when you take over because you both talked it over or you may share finances as a responsibility. So what to do now? If she has made a boo boo and it has cost you money as a couple you need to learn form it and she need to grow from it. Stand behind her, rub her neck and say I am behind you all the way love, is there something I can do to help? She may be waiting for you to ask. Once again, don't get off the buss at the first bump, support support support and when it hurts comfort and support some more. If it happens many times then discuss making changes she is comfortable with. I would be happy to discuss it privately with her through the message system.
Reply by: Prickly Pear 2011-04-06 13:44:19   
Prickly Pear Thank you for the invitation. I don't know if she has been back to the site since sign up. I haven't been here with her. You are so right support until it hurts and then support some more. Thank you gat1207
Reply by: Gat1207 2011-04-06 14:02:36    
Prickly Pear Your advise worked out great. The evening worked out to be a very empowering event for Alabaster. She stood her ground and the event worked out nearly perfect. Thank you for pulling me back and giving me the power to support. gat1207
Reply by: Gat1207 2011-04-18 11:54:07    
Gat1207 hey gat does she want FLR? Have you asked her formally? if so what does she say - I'll post this in email as well?
Reply by: Ann1000Days 2011-04-07 17:31:24   
gat1207, All partners make mistake, sometimes costly ones in a relationship. As it has been said already, you learn from them and you move on. It has been a while since you posted. Hope the issue was resolved. :)
Reply by: Cosearcher 2012-02-22 21:38:56   

 

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