- This topic has 28 replies, 10 voices, and was last updated 5 hours, 41 minutes ago by
.
-
Posts
-
-
Could it be that the men’s profiles are controlled by several different people? I was contacted here by a man who lives not far from me. He wrote me 2 messages here and one text message to my Florida phone number. I suggested that we meet and look at each other, to which he replied that he wanted to communicate via video chat. I consider this a waste of time since I have had more than one negative experience. I refused to get to know each other via video chat. At this point, we agreed that communication would not take place. All communication was 5 text messages. A week passed and he again sends me a message here, and it is as if we had never exchanged text messages and had no contact before. An exact copy of his first message to me. Surely a healthy man, unless he suffers from dementia or Parkinson’s, could so quickly forget that we exchanged text messages on a phone? What was it and how can this be explained. I want to hear from other women.
-
-
-
-
-
I’m curious what kind of bad experiences you have had via video chat. Whenever a someone asks me for a tribute I ask if we can video chat for a moment so we know we are who we say we are (admittedly more for myself in those situations). It’s very possible in missing something is why I ask. Thanks in advance.
-
I don’t ask anyone for a tribute, and I don’t video chat with anyone.
But you have to understand what world we live in now. Now, even to have just friendly correspondence with a stranger, you are asked to pay. I mean official sites that offer a choice of virtual friends:https:rentafriend.com, RentaCyberFriend,Friend PC, Fiverr. And these sites are just text messages with a friend.
You don’t even want to know how much a video chats costs. What must happen to a dominant woman for her to agree to arrange to video chat for “viewing” for a submissive man who is not her partner? I recommend first becoming a partner that the woman values and does not want to lose, and then ask for video chats. Dominant women do not provide loans to strangers. -
I can imagine some men are in marriages that basically, have ended. Maybe because their partners don’t like the FLR option, or have a disease, or the chemistry is just not what it was. They’re looking for better horizons. But indeed there are so many trolls, and pay bullshit, it’s harder and harder to find interested ppl here. Internet used to be great, in the previous century. Images and video is what changed it, imho, starting with illegal music downloads. Before that, all was text based.
-
It’s possible that the person you’re talking to could have multiple people managing their account or they might not be keeping track of their conversations well, especially if they are messaging many people. This kind of behavior is definitely suspicious and could indicate a lack of genuine interest or a scam. Trust your instincts on this, and if something feels off, it’s always okay to walk away. It might be helpful to hear from other women’s experiences too, as they may have encountered similar situations. Stay safe and follow your gut!
-
I’ve had the same situation but with women here and on other like sites. If someone only wants to communicate but a 3rd party app that is a red flag to me. IMO what you explained is a scammer.
I’ve meet face to face one real lady on this site so I know not everyone is a scammer.
My general rule is if they will not text or talk on the phone after 4-6 messages it’s a red flag.
-
Jimmy have you noticed that the ratio of ads between men and women on this site is 373 to 92 ?
Women Seeking FLR Personal Ads 92
Men Seeking FLR Personal Ads 373
that is 1 to 4? and I guarantee you that 9 out of 10 women who have registration on all BDSM sites, are NOT WOMEN. These are young men from Nigeria who are trying to swindle money from naive men. -
Mistress VIP,
Yes, I noticed the 4 to 1 difference and I know 99% of Dommes are just what you said, a male in Nigeria or some other country.
I watch patterns, some of these scammers use the same patterns. I see female profiles come and go and new ones pop up and they use the same patterns as the old IDs. I know they are the same person.
Tributes, I do want to add my 2 cents here. If someone is performing an online service/session for someone then the “Tribite” is ok. After all someone is spending their time with someone.
However, If I’m just trying to meet someone and get to know each other why would one ask for a tribute to show my dedication? That is a scam to me. Hi slave, send me a $50 tribute to show your serious. That is 99.99% of the time a guy in Nigeria or some other country.
-
Jimmy, The request for $50 clearly shows that this man is a scammer who is looking to take advantage of several naive men and then delete his profile, replacing it with a new one. Professional Dominas do not typically charge $50 for “to show your serious”. They usually charge $100-150 for a 30-minute conversation and $200-250 for a 1-hour phone chat. This is their job, and their rates are often even lower than those for phone sex! If you want to meet someone and they ask you for money, I wouldn’t recommend meeting with such a partner. However, there might be a situation where a real woman wouldn’t want to waste her time on you if she doesn’t see a future with you. If you’re unable to effectively communicate your worth to a potential partner who receives many other offers , the likelihood of them wanting to meet with you is slim.
-
I’ve recently heard of fiver but before that I never heard of paying for a friend. I’m not too surprised though; many people are lonely. Kind of explains why some people were advertising themselves as a friend. Idk but I only heard about fiver because a streamer offering to help people get better at a game. I’m glad I haven’t sent anyone money though because everyone that’s asked me for a tribute was only asking for like $20 and lowered it to $10 then $5 when I said I couldn’t do it. Really it’d feel too surgical for me lol. Idk I’m definitely new to this
I’m just trying to learn more everyday and be patient xD -
Find a video on YouTube that matches the title “Websites That Will Pay You To Be Friends ($350 Daily) | Get Paid To Chat With Lonely People”. I recommend watching this channel “Catfishing The Catfish | Chad Huber” shows well how to distinguish a real woman from a Nigerian guy who preys on “naive” men. It’s quite astonishing that many men end their correspondence with real women when they encounter a ‘beauty’ who seems to understand them perfectly, shares stunning photos, and creates the illusion of an ideal online partner ready to cater to their every desire.
-
I haven’t had the chance still to look into the videos you mentioned, I’ll admit I’ve been a bit lazy. I’ve kinda given up searching because of the amount of scams or a real findom ignoring me when I mention I’m not into it until a genuine connection has been made. I feel like I’d have better luck looking for a vanilla relationship then later bringing up a transition to an FLR. I’m conflicted though because that feels manipulative and untruthful. I guess I’m finally replying to say I’m gonna watch those videos now haha. I hope all has been well with you and everyone else. Hopefully everyone has had better luck than me
. Thank you for starting this thread and thanks to everyone for your input. -
-
-
-
I have not posted in this site’s current incarnation, though I was more active a while back when I was single and looking. Some observations from years of scanning the online and offline worlds:
1. Submissive men VASTLY outnumber dominant women. My guess is that the ratio is above 10:1, maybe 20:1. This means that actual dominant women looking for a match live in a sea of submissive male desperation with highly variable desirability.
2. Most actual dominant women don’t put up with the desperation and scamming of The Interwebs because they don’t have to. This raises the percentage of Dommes to subs even higher, and we haven’t even gotten to the “fakes” yet.
3. Any “free” resource is inundated with scammers. This means you pay with your time and personal risk instead of paying money for a service that will sort out the scum from the desirable. A scammer’s time is worth very little because they are leveraging assets for greatest reach and profit. Fetlife can be great if you can get introductions from people you know, but it suffers some of the same problems as open dating forums.
4. Even when an actual Domme connects with an actual sub, there is chemistry, life circumstance, preferences/needs, and other barriers to overcome. That’s not easy… in fact it may be even harder than building a vanilla relationship. Compounding this is that so many men are actually in a committed relationship, so if they get any attention they are like a dog that actually caught the car… “now what?”
This site is better than most (stopped by collarme/collarspace lately?), and I enjoy the frameworks and articles that the original author created. But the dating section is still a “free” resource, so one must treat it as what it is. I contribute to a Domme-friendly site — not listing it here out of respect for this site, but DM if you want to know the URL — that is well moderated, but those are rare.
To Mistress VIP’s point, we all have to be careful with whom we connect and how we go about that. I actually have met some amazing people on line — relationships that involved in-person meetups and long-term mutual support — but the key is to slow down, take a deep breath, and observe each other for a bit. As long as a sub’s little head is doing the thinking, the scammers have him already.
Be careful, but keep looking.
QL
-
I want to respond to your message in the hope that my reply might open the eyes of some of the men who post their ads in the dating section. These men pounce on every ad like starving stray dogs, without even trying to analyze the text, how it’s presented, or considering the situation from a dominant woman’s perspective.
You are mistaken when you try to calculate the ratio—the ratio of dominant women to compatible men is roughly 1 to 100. I’m not even counting the men who, in my opinion, only pretend to be submissive but are actually just looking for sexual entertainment and gratification of their perverse desires, while refusing to pay professionals who are willing to engage in roleplay with them. Approximately 70% of them are like this, and many are already in serious relationships. They openly lie, knowing they only want a single session and will never see the woman again after getting what they need.
Those who genuinely believe they need a dominant woman to fill some void in their souls and lives are, unfortunately, not what most dominant women want. You might ask why, and I’ll tell you: None of us needs a loser looking to latch onto someone like a bedbug. These men always write in their ads that they’re “willing to relocate” because they have nothing to lose. They almost always have very low income, have achieved nothing in life, own no property, drive an old car, have a meager pension, wear cheap clothes, live a pathetic lifestyle, suffer from impotence, and have a pile of health issues that make them look like a retired from a nursing home.
But that’s not all I have to say. Even when such a retired man—who whose appearance inspires nothing but deep sympathy for his suffering from his physical condition and illnesses, is unwanted by his own children, let alone a dominant woman—messages me, he expects me to describe my life, explain what I’m looking for, and share details about myself. His messages are usually very short, no photos, no effort to intrigue me or explain how my life would become spiritually richer or more interesting if he were part of it. He’s spent his whole life thinking he’s the kind of man everyone wants, and he still believes that. To me, he most resembles a hunting dog that spent its life chasing house cats but now, old and arthritic, can’t even climb onto the porch—yet still considers itself a hunter and thinks someone needs it.
Sure, such a dog might have been needed by its owner, who remembers its youth and sees it as a companion. But now it has no owner, and it’s highly unlikely it will find one in a dominant woman. A dominant woman is independent, provides for herself, and is not so friendly toward men that she’d take on the burden of caring for an elderly grandpa.
That’s my understanding of the situation on this site and others. And yes, if I ever just want a one-time meetup, I’ll choose a 30-40 year-old masochist, and we’ll both enjoy the encounter. I don’t need intimacy—just communication with an intelligent person who knows what they want, leading to mutual satisfaction and a memorable experience.
So, when you see an ad from a “beautiful dominant mistress” with stunning profile photos, 90% of the time, those photos stolen by Nigerian scammer. And if they do belong to a real woman, she wouldn’t be posting ads—she already has enough play partners. And if she’s looking for a life partner or a husband, it’s definitely not someone who will move into her house, dust her dresser, and refill her wine glass. Yet that’s exactly how the men who message me envision their lives and describe their desires:
“I’m ready to relocate to your place, live in your home, so that you have someone to return from work with, and I serve you coffee and wine when you return from work” Thank you so much, boys and grandpas. When I get home from work, I’ll fill my glass with my favorite wine myself, and exhausted, watch my favorite series—not entertain some grandpa who spent his whole day dusting my furniture. -
-
John Public. It was interesting to read your reaction. Bottom men are never satisfied—if I write a lot, it’s bad; if I reply briefly, that’s also bad. Yesterday, I got a message from a “older sissy cuck” (That’s how She/he/they introduced himself) from Atlanta, “relocatable”, and from what I understood, since She/he/they works from home, She/he/they is looking for a house from which She/he/they can work. I looked around and realized I don’t want to see a working sissy in my house. The She/he/they suggested I visit She/he/they profile to see if we’re a good match and would determine if we have something in common between us. On She/he/they page, I saw absolutely no description—zero, nothing. All I learned was that he/she’s 54 and that she’s a man. But really, I’m in Florida—what could I possibly have in common with “older sissy cuck” who’s in Atlanta? I replied briefly: “We have nothing in common”. And do you know what I got from She/he/they in response? This is what “older sissy cuck” wrote to me: “Apparently not as you seem to have the brain size of a hummingbird”. Very often, I don’t respond to messages at all. Precisely because when my reply is polite, and free of insults—but doesn’t include fireworks of enthusiasm about what she/he/they wrote to me—the next thing I get is an insult. Apparently, the most common message women receive from bottom men is an insult. I’d really like to know why this happens. She/he/they asked me one question, and I answered it. Why insult me afterward? What’s the point?
-
Interesting thoughts from Mistress VIP and her comments are most probably true and from her own experiences.
It is unfortunate that communications on these sites are so rife with scammers and thrill seekers.
There is also something that I don’t see considered much: many people don’t read or write well. It seems almost impossible sometimes to have good conversations and meet people on-line given the miscommunications.
I don’t doubt that there are fakes, scammers and selfish poele looking for a short term thrill.
However, I believe that this kind of “meeting place” is a difficult try for some people.
Often times we are attempting to get to know someone many miles away. The inability to communicate in writing makes this difficult and a frustration sometimes.
Of course many don’t want to take the time to communicate in writing either. In that case, I don’t see how this kind of “meeting place” can work at all. -
Uh oh, open mouth insert foot. Hopefully You, Mistress VIP, don’t think i was not satisfied with Your answer. I may be a bottom, but i don’t EVER express dissatisfaction to a Mistress. I think Your answer was spot on. And further i think a Mistress with a razor sharp tongue is a good thing, not a bad thing. In the past i was trained to NEVER be disrespectful to any Mistress, and was punished for reinforcement. In this case i was trying to be humorous and complimentary at the same time.
I plead the 5th, i am out of practice and am here on this site looking to engage in further obviously needed training.
You tell stories about lackluster alleged subs, and i am sorry You and all Dominant Women have to deal with that.
Best i can do at this time. Sorry.
-
There are a lot of valid complaints here, and I empathize with the pain and frustration I’m hearing so clearly. I was ‘looking’ for a long time, and it was a soul-crushing experience. Eventually, though, I realized that — the legions of scammers aside — people hiding behind anonymity can be worse than just unkind. They often let their baser instincts run riot, doing and saying things that they would never consider if their real-world identity was attached. This is not gender or role based. It’s not restricted to role-specific dating or dating at all… it’s people being people. Mistress VIP’s experience with the sissy from Atlanta is an excellent example of this. When you’re anonymous, being a jerk is “free” while being empathetic, kind, and considerate takes restraint, thought, and consideration.
This is why I moved away from unpaid and unmoderated sites: they are simply scam-enablement engines and breeding grounds for learning bad behavior. It’s structural, not personal. Yes, there can be very, very good people hidden in the wasteland of lies and terrible behavior, but the effort to find, vet, and connect is so high that it’s far “cheaper” just to find other resources. It’s simply not worth developing anger and resentment over people who should have no impact on our lives or feelings or outlook at all. That just gives them power. Why would anyone with agency invest in this once they understand it?
If we value honesty and integrity, then we should not give time and attention to those who do not. Everyone here understands the problem with “free” dating sites, and are justifiably angry at the results such sites bring. So change your approach. Learn what works. Go where the good people are and stop feeding scammers and anonymous trolls. Complaints won’t change the structure of free and anonymous resources, nor will they change human nature. Don’t let the jerks drive the tonal quality of your world. In fact, piss them off by being happy and successful.
QL
-
-
Mistress VIP,
My observation is that many people in general are not expressing themselves well in writing or not reading thoroughly and with comprehension. This goes for men and women. It has nothing to do with sex or gender.
I experience this across many contexts: business emails, social media posts, work reports and other business documents and (yes) on dating websites – including this one.
My own comments on a site like this are sometimes not well thought out or not expressed well. So, yes, I am guilty too of not writing well on-line.
I mentioned this here because I think it makes meeting people and getting to know them from a distance more difficult. Poor writing on-line, or incomplete understandings of what others have tried to say in writing, hurts our efforts to get to know people here on-line. -
livingandlearning,
You raise a valid point—many people do struggle with expressing themselves clearly in writing, whether in emails, social media, or even dating apps. It’s a universal issue, and as you noted, it can create unnecessary barriers when trying to connect with others online.That said, I’d argue the age of AI has actually improved this problem for many. Tools like grammar checkers, predictive text, and even full-sentence suggestions help people articulate thoughts they might otherwise struggle to phrase. For non-native speakers or those less confident in their writing, AI can be a lifeline, polishing rough drafts into coherent messages.
Of course, it’s not a perfect fix—AI won’t teach someone to think critically or engage deeply overnight. But it does mitigate some of the worst pitfalls (typos, tangled syntax) that make online communication so frustrating. The real challenge? Encouraging people to use these tools thoughtfully—because even the best tech can’t replace the intent behind the words.
-
- You must be logged in to reply to this topic.