I came out of an environment in which I was subject to the same dynamic as POWs in prison camps. At one point, I gave up on ever seeing the outside world, and centered on myself instead. That means participating in collective society is off-limits to me and it means that I’m unable to behave as a full adult, which requires a social context that I don’t have. I instinctively yearn to look up to a woman who is strong, responsible, and has a sense of authority. For real.