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First off, I should say that if you want a response, talk to me here first for a short period of time, before insisting we exchange email addresses. I need to know that you’re a real human being, and that I want to talk to you before we do that.
I am 46 year old male from Kentucky. Not really expecting to find love here, because first and foremost, I’m a realist. I doubt anyone here lives near me, and even so, one needs more than just a common desire for FLR, and proximity, such as mutual interests and values.
At any rate, what I seek is a relationship where my woman leads me, and where I obey, serve, and follow her. I’m not looking for humiliation, or pain, or to be cuckolded, to become a slave, or anything like that. On the contrary, I prefer mutual respect. There’s nothing wrong with that if that’s what others are into, but it isn’t for me, although I guess light kink on occasion would be OK, but it would be more for her than for me, if that’s what she wanted. To me, this isn’t about serving one’s partner, but rather it’s a fantasy. I need guidance from the woman I love, in a very real way, dealing with all of the mundane realities of life. That’s because I’m truly a romantic submissive man, even if I try to deny it or change it, which I have tried to do, many times over.
I don’t need a woman to dress in leather and whip me. I think women should wear whatever they feel comfortable wearing. If that’s leather, cool. If that’s jeans and a t-shirt, also cool. I want to please the one I love, not for her to cater to a fantasy. Also, I have very strong boundaries, and anyone who disrespects them by trying to “push my limits” will be removed from my life, permanently. This has happened before. I am absolutely not interested in anything where either party is disrespected in any way. In fact, it’s an absolute turn-off for me. I am not a weak-willed man who is controlled by his penis. Please do not attempt to convert me into a BDSM slave, or cuckold. It will not work, and it will get you ignored. Also, I am 100% monogamous, expect the same in return, and I have a career which I will not be giving up.
My desire, is to serve and be led by a woman in the ordinary, day-to-day, mundane aspects of life, putting her at the center of my attention and my life in all ways. It doesn’t just interest me, in fact, I NEED it very badly, and I also want to be loved, respected and valued by Her. Most of the time, I think the best course of action would to be to find a really intelligent woman whose values and interests are like my own, and then do my best to serve her, and nurture her into a leadership role so that she may tell me how best to serve. Also, I do not wish to shirk away from making decisions as I am quite capable… but rather I would make any decision my mate wishes me to make, and lighten any burdens she asks me to.
So my question is, are there women out there in the FLR world who also want this?
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Hi, please write me on this email to have a detailed email about what i seek and who I am. Please keep in touch. ” sr20030413@gmail.com ” Sofia
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Hello. We seem interested in the same things. I’d love to chat with someone who has similar interests. How did you find out this is what you wanted?
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Hello! How did I find out this is what I want? To make a long story short, it has always seemed natural to me, and I always instinctually felt that I’d be happiest in a relationship where my partner, a woman, guides me.
Perhaps I am a romantic by nature, and I find a certain ecstatic joy in serving the person I love. I alsways gravitate towards this dynamic when I’m in love, sometimes unconsciously, but I’ve never had the opportunity to play it out in a formal way. When I was younger and my male friends would be “whipped” by their girlfriends, I was always jealous of them. I’ve just always known that this is what I want, and several years ago I discovered a couple of FLR websites such as this one, and it just really resonated with what I had always known about myself and my desires.
I’d be happy to chat with you if you like!
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It’s good to know exactly what you want. It happened similarly to me as well. I’ve always “worn the pants” in the relationship and taken the initiative and the lead. I didn’t know about the name until I ran across this site and other like it years ago. How many relationships have you had with this dynamic?
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Please don’t take take this the wrong way but I would say your post is a bit pessimistic and contradictory. You do not expect to find love here, yet here you are. You want a vanilla relationship with a little touch of FLR to fulfil your fantasies. You said you would obey and be submissive yet you would ignore her if she attempts to push your limits to fulfil her own fantasies, that doesn’t seem like submission to me.
Any dominant woman would have fantasies that may or may not go down well with you all of the time and that’s where true loyalty and submission is proven.
I think you are right as you may still have a long way to go in finding the right person in this community because most real dominant women may not take you seriously with all of your conditions attached when there are lots of submissive men available and seriously searching.
Since you so crave for mutual respect and once in a while FLR fantasy, what I would recommend for you is to get yourself a normal relationship with a strong feminist woman who believes in gender equality, tell her about your fantasy and teach her to whip you on leather pants and I’m sure you would be fine. -
Well, in the first place, you completely misundersand what it is that I seek. I’m a submissive, and not a masochist, therefore I have no interest in having a woman wear leather pants and whip me. Perhaps we are more accustomed in life to meeting people who are *both* submissive, and masochistic, but in fact, they are two different things.
When I use the term “Vanilla FLR” I really shouldn’t even have to use the term “Vanilla”. In fact, there is another term which accurately describes the kind of relationship I seek. That phrase is “Female Led Relationship”. If you’ve learned anything about it from reading this website, then you’d know that it does not have to involve kink at any level. It simply means that the woman is the leader in the relationship or the head of the household. That’s it. Unfortunately for people like me who are simply interested in pursuing a Female Led Relationship, it has become conflated with kink… but… it is not kink. There are billions of relationships in the world which follow this pattern, and some formally recognize that that’s what they are doing, while others don’t. It’s possible that they may even outnumber male-dominated or “equal” relationships, at least in many places.
I am not anti-kink… I’m just not that interested in it. I am simply interested in serving the person I love, and being led or guided by them on how best to serve.
There are also some activities which I also know are simply not for me, such as anything involving pain or humiliation of either party. It’s no different than how I know I would not be compatible with someone who holds right-wing political views, or someone who is a religious fundamentalist. It’s OK for someone else, but they simply aren’t compatible with me. I can be friends with people like this, but I am not going to be romantically involved with them.
Everyone gets to choose what they want, and don’t want. That’s called boundaries. Knowing our boundaries and respecting them – and asking others to do the same, is the basis for any healthy relationship. If those boundaries are not respected, and one party or the other does something without the full consent of the other party, then that’s called abuse.
What I’m saying is that within a relationship, even though kink is not really what I’m interested in, I’d still be willing to engage in whatever kink a woman wants, as long as it doesn’t involve serious pain or emotional / verbal humiliation. This could involve her dominating me, or me dominating her… but these are my limits, and they are never going to change.
In fact, I have met many women in real life, and one or two on here, who like the idea of the very same kind of relationship I’m talking about, or are already in one. I believe that this website can be a place for people who are interested in kink… that’s fine… but primarily it’s about FLR, and not femdom or kink.
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Just thought I’d say Hi from across your state line, the west side haha I totally understand what you’re saying and to bad there was no state line between us! I’m not traveling either. Good luck!
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I very much agree with your outlook. I think you have a very healthy understanding of mutual respect within the boundaries of a FLR. It sounds like any woman would be lucky to have you. Good luck in your search.
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Thank you for your kind words, CdnGeisha. It sounds as though you understand me. Most of the responses I get on here, are possibly from porn bots, and maybe some prodommes, or just dommes who simply don’t believe me or take me at my word about what it is I want. I don’t even respond to most of the comments I get on here, because it seems like few people take the time to read what I wrote, or if they do, they refuse to believe that I’m serious. Thank you for reading it, and simply believing it.
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Hold fast to your beliefs and what you want. I believe what you’re looking for is totally possible with the right person.
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Thank you!
What I wrote, is a product of trial and error. I wrote it to appeal to a certain kind of woman: One who has strong boundaries, and who respects boundaries. I also wrote it to filter out the wrong kind of people.
I would be interested in finding out more about you.
What can you tell me about you, which has nothing to do with FLR? What are your hobbies and interests? How about music? Food? Politics? Spirituality?
Tell me about yourself, and I can tell you about myself, just like we would normally do if we met somewhere.
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