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To be complete, I have to add that if I dont socialize in the common way because it’s arbitrary and artificial, and not grounded, that has massive ramifications in the pursuit of a job and a social life, both. Being in that position, I cant help feeling like I’m socially ostracized, and in general, it leaves me with a strong sense of vulnerability, and an inability to make decisions that matter. I’m basically asking to be adopted and have decisions made for me and to be kept safe, and that to me is with a strong and responsible woman who has a sense of authority. I also think that not being able to participate in the outside world means that I’m not able to be a full adult, which requires being immersed in the world of people. I come across as looking and sounding like everyone else, but it would be easy to see that I’m more dependent than independent. Can someone help me?
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Hi. I’m Bill
What I wrote was honest and true and accurate as I could make it.
I can testify that, first, it IS in fact possible to be so ensconced in the private world of family, and to be there so long after school is over that the socialization process becomes meaningless, and since nature abhors a vacuum, centering on self is selected for a foundation instead.
Second, after grappling with this directly for five years (I wasnt faced with this as a problem earlier in my life in Oregon, because employers knew I was different, and gave me jobs accordingly, which, changing location five years ago, I understood to be the equivalent of charity work by employers, and that many or most jobs require more than just work, which I have no use for whatsoever. I was thrown out of the Superdome for working one day, and quit thereafter (this happened because they wanted to control their employees, and have them stand in front of their assigned restrooms (Housekeeping) and do nothing if there was nothing to do in the restroom. I knew better than that, and understood what I heard through the grapevine to be just the nonsense of a supervisor, until one of the heads of Housekeeping actually confronted me about it, and left me with only one choice–to keep working, because I knew better. Which got me thrown out. This was December 2020.)
Anyway, the second thing I wanted to say was that, after another two and a half years, I accepted that what’s important is that if we throw our lot in with society, or go our own way, we either are going to abuse others or neglect them, so neither choice is viable–only integration of individual and collective functioning.
I was helped to leave home by Christians, who put me up for free for nine months until I could get a job and live on my own. Those around me spoke perfectly good english, but much of it was like white noise to time–i understand that this was because they were functioning in collective mode, rather than individual mode. The Christians tried to socialize me, but I was only repelled by the arbitrariness and artificiality of what they were doing. To this day, I dont go along with how they or anyone else in society employ “social skills” to create and develop relationships. I dont date for the same reason. Relationships are based on the ground beneath our feet, NOT on the basis of talk. That’s backwards, even though it’s necessary for those in society.
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May I ask you a personal question? You dont have to answer this, but maybe it would help shed some light on things for you (and me too). There is a clear dividing line between those who favor group-protection (the majority) and those who favor self-protection. I’m in the latter category. Are you as well? Do you identify with being a classical or traditional woman who looks to a man for direction, security and love? I look to a strong and responsible woman who has a sense of authority for direction, security and love. You could say that I’m the male equivalent of a classical or traditional woman. That means that I more or less have to wait until the right woman discovers me, and wants to court, romance and bed me as though I were a woman. I cant pose and pretend in order to date or make my way in society. If there’s nothing i can do, then there’s nothing i can do, whether i like it or not.
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I’ve been single for nearly six years now. That’s because I wasnt raised to date others or make arrangements to do things with others in general. Those are things that collectivists do. Collectivists arent the only people in life. There are those, like me, who believe that doing things with others is based on the natural course of events. If someone has car trouble, for example, and I know something about cars (I dont), then there might be a reason to involve myself with that person. Otherwise they have their lives and I have mine. Does that make sense?
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Well, there you go 🙂 I mean that while you may be going through a dry spell, you indicate from your own words that you potentially have a lot of prospects. See what I did there? 🙂 For you the sky is the limit. Because the socialization process was aborted for me early on, I’m not in a position to go on dates, period, let alone talk to women unless they take an interest in me in probably daily life, which is ALSO a problem, since socialization is evidently key to working as well. So what are you complaining about?
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And I want a girlfriend and often feel like I cant have one. I’m making a stab in the dark that you dont know the value of being able to date at all, as opposed to my position of having to kiss dating goodbye until or unless a woman takes a shine to me despite (or maybe because) I need a woman to lead in conversations, even.
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My point is that if you think you have it bad, then what about someone like me? I’m not feeling sorry for myself, because I know that I cant control how things go in life. I would have to wait until a woman encountered me and understood where I was coming from and wanted to take a role in my life accordingly. That would be a rare thing. Even female led relationships almost certainly must abide by the social framework that everyone else uses, so I cant really count on that, either.
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Maybe I could contribute something here. After two years of looking (online, since dating is artificial and arbitrary to me), I got the message loud and clear that to women, men are to lead and be the head of the household–not possible for me, since even basic participation in society is problematic st best for me. So the wind was knocked out of my sails and I took a much less active interest in things after that. Within the last few months or so, I realized that those engaged in dating use the same social framework to do it in, meaning that i would have to as well, if i were to date even online. So i take no active interest in dating in any form. If a woman addresses me herself, i wont ignore her, but i know that a conversation will still wind up likely being impossible.
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Are you asking ME that question? Because I can’t see any way around things, i have little hope that i can participate in the world around me. I know after a lifetime of being torn between where i am and where the average person is, that I’m a straggler of the general schools of fish, and though I’m a guy, this puts me in a place where vulnerability haunts me day and night. The closest I can put it is that I’m a male equivalent of a classical or traditional woman, with basically the same wants and needs.
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I dont know where you’re coming from, but I wasnt raised around other people, mandvi didn’t adapt to socializing as it’s commonly carried out. Even participants in female led relationships must use common socializing methods in dealing with others, so where does that leave me? I’m Bill.
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