Why Women Want FLR

     No one needs to tell you why you want something, but you might be interested in why other women might want FLR. The advantages/disadvantages will depend on your level of commitment to FLR and any goals you set for changing your relationship with your man. As you increase the level of commitment to Female Led Relationships you see a departure from “life now”. FLR is either a panacea, an opportunity or an irritant to women. While men have some shame and guilt over FLR women don’t seem to and often welcome the lower levels seeing no change from their current life except clearer decision making and potentially less strife.

Create Positive Change by Just Being a Good Partner

     Perhaps the most compelling reason for any woman to get involved in FLR is to heal, nurture and bring about change. Any loving partner who takes an interest in the well-being and growth of her man wants to help, please and create a better life for the couple. Even if you don’t get into the higher levels of FLR, a woman can invoke change in her man’s life simply by taking the lead and making it happen. In the short run, a woman can effect healing, inject intimacy and communication. She can help her mate to grow by taking a stand and leading him. She can even release control of him and let him lead again at a later date if she chooses. She can also create a better democracy like relationship. That is the main advantage of his willingness to have her lead.

     A second very good reason to consider FLR is perhaps other forms of relationships don’t seem to be working very well. People have stubbornly tried the same types of relationships with the same results from time in memorial. All existing relations have been tried and have a high failure rate. Failing is okay but succeeding is better. Trying new things, especially things that have the potential for success just makes sense. Stop the insanity of marriage and divorce by trying something new

     At the lower levels of commitment to FLR there is very little difference between where you are today and where you would be in an FLR. There are some obvious advantages and disadvantages to this. The obvious change is the new agreement about the 5 food groups. and who is taking care of what. Like your job where you are in control of things, you get to control some things that you both agree on at home. Nowhere is there a rule that says he cannot participate but ultimately you get the final word. Most women don’t want a weak man and don’t prefer to imagine him naked in an apron. The advantage of more formal FLR is women get to set the stage, limit or expand the scope of their relationship and remain the loving woman you are today. For the few women whom are bitchy and bossy, that is okay too.

The levels of commitment to FLR

Advantages/disadvantages at Low Key Female Leadership (Level 1)

     You likely are already here and have some idea of how decision are made. If you have charge of paying the bills, housework or some other aspect you know how work is distributed. Just making an agreement where the women takes responsibility and has limited or full authority to make decisions about that responsibility is the lowers level of female leadership in relationships. To get these advantages you must have acknowledgement of your responsibility, his support and the recognized authority to make decisions for the both of you.

• Advantage – Normal relationship (everyone knows about this and sees it as normal/average)
• Advantage – Some control over life processes
• Advantage – Well defined relationship roles (this is set by the culture you live in)
• Advantage – Potentially less tension and strife (because things are culturally normal)
• Disadvantage – Life direction is negotiated
• Disadvantage – Little or no difference in share responsibilities, you may still be the sole homemaker.
• Disadvantage – No increase in perks and benefits
• Disadvantage – There is no formal stability in roles, they are good for today and renegotiated tomorrow.
• Disadvantage – No progress from his perspective
• Disadvantage – Does not address his/your needs for communication and intimacy
• Challenge – Negotiation for shared and delegated areas may cause strife and division
• Challenge – Errant decisions and lack of meeting expectations cause strife
• Challenge – Failure to correct why he wants an FLR will cause stealth behavior
• Challenge – Communication issues must always be addresses as in a democracy

Advantages/disadvantages at Moderate Female Leadership (Level 2)

     As a moderate you are getting into more leadership and authority, some or most of the food groups belong in your purview. You have taken control and hopefully have the support of your man. You have realized some of the benefits of his interest in serving you.

• Advantage – Reasonable normal relationship
• Advantage – Potential but limited perks and benefits
• Advantage – More control over life processes
• Advantage – Well defined relationship roles
• Advantage – Simplified decision making processes
• Advantage – A sense of leadership
• Advantage – The ability to control change
• Advantage – He begins to feel like he is serving you
• Advantage – You can nurture him if you want
• Disadvantage – May not address his/your needs for communication and intimacy
• Disadvantage – Limited decision making
• Disadvantage – Negotiation for shared and delegated areas may cause strife and division
• Challenge – Men may need training/retraining as followers or as homemakers
• Challenge – Errant decisions and lack of meeting expectations cause strife
• Challenge – Passive aggressive behavior springs from lack of inclusion or lack of full support
• Challenge – Communication issues must always be addresses as in a democracy

Advantages/disadvantages at Formal Female Leadership (Level 3)

     This level is considered the sweet spot for both women and men living FLR. The decision making process is simple, the leader can delegate change and there is a real sense of modification between the woman and man. There is a sense of adventure.

• Advantage – There is open recognition of your leadership and authority
• Advantage – Unlimited perks and benefits
• Advantage – Full control over life processes
• Advantage – Well defined relationship roles
• Advantage – Simplified decision making processes
• Advantage – Full leadership
• Advantage – The ability to enact change
• Advantage – The ability correct and or discipline
• Advantage – The open option to nurture him if you want
• Advantage – Communication and intimacy are as good as you make it.
• Disadvantage – Takes work to set-up
• Challenge – Relationship is outside social norms
• Challenge – Men who are not fulfilled in at least a few of their kinks will lose interest
• Challenge – It requires deprogramming for the male and reprogramming for the female
• Challenge – Poor leadership may cause strife and division
• Challenge – Men may need training/retraining as followers or as homemakers
• Challenge – Errant decisions and lack of meeting expectations cause strife
• Challenge – Passive aggressive behavior springs from lack of inclusion or lack of full support

Advantages/disadvantages at Extreme Female Leadership (Level 4)

     At this level she has all control and he has surrendered his control to her. This is often referred to as “total power exchange”. This may happen from time to time in level 2 and 3 but here it is a lifestyle of service and goes way beyond the 5 food groups. It includes giving up control of sexuality, friends, family, inherent freedoms and any decision making a man may have had in level 3. It definitely puts the relationship into the world of BSDM, D/s or however you choose to define when one member rules and the other must be obedient.

• Advantage – Everything in level 3
• Advantage – Unlimited kinks
• Advantage – Open obedience
• Disadvantage – More work to set-up
• Disadvantage – Potentially destructive to the relationship
• Disadvantage – Objectification is destructive to people
• Challenge – Micro managing is a lot of work
• Challenge – It is an alternate relationship
• Challenge – Will likely cause physical changes
• Challenge – Both members have to be outside social norms

Why women might not want FLR

     Fear of failure from added responsibility, fear of a failed relationship, fear of rejection if you don’t do it perfectly and just plain fear often drive the other reasons. For the most part men are bigger than women and women may look to them for a sense of security and protection. Women may have exerted some control historically but to actually lead and be acknowledged for it is different. How many feminine, strong, authorities, loving leaders or women do you know and respect? Farther still from historic relationships is a man who outwardly serves a woman. Many women just don’t want to have any relationship outside the cultural norm for any number of reasons. It is viewed as complicated, hard work, not what a women signed on for, opposite of their desires for a strong man and many believe that is not how it should be. The reasons go on and on.